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AnnieHallParticipant~:confused:~Quote:You’re not winning – it’s just that I’m losingSo … you’re a “Glass is half empty” kinda guy, huh? Maybe that’s why I’m winning …. you’ve had more to drink.:sick:here’s three quickies:A horse walks into a bar … bartender says “Why the long face?”A giraffe walks into a bar and says ‘Highballs are on me.”(most folks would have gone for the more obvious “longneck” pun … but not me):cool:Two blondes walk into a bar …… you’d think the second one would have seen it and ducked.:woot: Barrroom-chee!I admire your stamina, man.;) (but I’m winning)AnnieHallParticipant
🙂 Thanks so much for the warm welcome y’all. Mr Oats and Doris, You made me feel like I just walked into your livingroom and you offered me the most comfortable chair.
And LMAO @ Phillip and your piano teacher. I can see how a gun might make a very effective teaching aide. (as well as very persuasive closing tool in real estate) You must be one helluva piano player.
And Bear, not to worry about Leaky Leo …. I have the feeling this is the beginning of a long affectionately contemptuous friendship. One where being picked on is a sign of endearment. 😉 I am really enjoying our little game of joke tag. (And I think I’m winning)
I stumbled onto this site totally by accident and I’m so glad!
I always say “Better lucky than good”
….. and “Better late pregnant!” :p LOL!:woot: BA-DA BING!
AnnieHallParticipant:pOk … so …. this guy is trapped on a deserted island with super model Cindy Crawford. No one else around, just him and the voluptuous Cindy Crawford. Very soon a romantic relationship develops between them. The lucky schmuck is getting to bump uglies with Cindy Crawford every day. He’s a happy guy for a while then, one day Cindy notices a drastic change in his mood.
She asks him “What’s wrong?
“Aww nothing.’ he replies.
“Come on,” Cindy insists. “I can tell something is wrong. Please let me help. There must be something I can do.’
“Well maybe” he mutters.
Cindy, eager to improve his mood, says “You name it honey … I’ll do whatever you ask.”
So, he dresses her all up in his clothes. Then he draws a little mustache on her and tells her “Stay right here….. I’ll be right back.”
Then the guy walks all the way around the island. Casually he walks up beside Cindy Crawford,
nudges her and says, “Hey buddy …. you are not gonna believe who I’m sleeping with!!”:woot: BA-DA BING!!
You give up?:cool:
AnnieHallParticipantLOL @ shrek!:D
Here’s one about the biggest joke in the U.S.A.
Q. What do you do if you see George Bush running at you with half a face?
A. reload! :woot:
…. and by the way, he didn’t win in my town. Kerry licked Bush in Austin!
Ba-Da BING!
:woot: ~AnnieAnnieHallParticipantQ. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. no idear
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still, no idear
Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A. Unique up on him.
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. The tame way
Ba-Da BING!
~AnnieGot more?
AnnieHallParticipantQuote:Haven’t you heard of: “There is no such thing as a dumb question”I beg to differ. LOL! There are dumb questions and they are being asked every day by dumb people all over the world. They have launched the carrier of many comedians like Bill Engval. Check out his “Here’s Your Sign” cd.
Another excellent example is the DVD “You Can’t Fix Stupid” by my buddy Ron “Tater Salad” White.
Both are very funny and both are proof positive that there are stupid questions and there are stupid people. Thank God, .. otherwise alot of comedians would be out of work.But thanks for letting me know you don’t think I’m one of them.
Ba-Da BING!
😀 ~Annie“I see dumb people.”
AnnieHallParticipant~/=_:confused:_/=~An elderly man goes to the doctor for a complete physical. At the end of this very thorough exam the doctor hands the old guy a jar and says “We need a semen sample. Please bring that back with you tomorrow.”Well, the next day the man shows up at the doctors office with the jar but the jar is still empty. The Doctor asks him what happened.“Doc, I tried.” , he says, “I tried with my right hand and with my left …. then I asked my wife for help. So, she tried with her right hand and her left. Then, bless her heart, she even tried with her mouth …. teeth in and teeth out. …… Neither one of us could get the dang lid off the jar!”Ba-da BING! Ba-Da BANG! Ba-Da BOOM!:woot:… and “TAG” … you’re it!
:p ~AnnieAnnieHallParticipant~*~*~*~:confused:~*~*~*~Here’s one my accountant told me …( that should lower your expectations a bit)Early one morning Jack and Fred, two construction workers, are talking about how over worked and tired they have been lately. Jack bets Ed a weeks pay that he can get the boss to give him the day off. Knowing what a slave driver the boss is, Ed agrees to the bet and the two shake on it.
Just then the boss pulls up and gets out of his truck. Jack goes and climbs up a ladder and onto beam over head. Wrapping his legs around the beam, Jack hangs upside down and begins to swing back and forth. The boss asks Ed if he knows what Jack’s is doing and Ed just shrugs his shoulders. So the boss yells up at Jack, ‘What the heck are you doing?”
Jack replies “I’m a lightbulb!” Well, seeing that Jack has clearly snapped, the boss announces that he’s sending him home to rest.
Apon hearing this news Ed begins to pack up his stuff too. The boss inquires, “Just where do you think you’re going?”
Ed says “Well, …. I can’t be expected to work in the dark.”:cool:Ba-Da Bing!
:woot: ~AnnieOkay Leo your turn …:pAnnieHallParticipant~+^+^+^+^:p^+^+^+^+~An Elderly woman, thinking about getting viagra for her husband, asks her pharmacist “Does that stuff really work?”The pharmacist, being an old guy himself, replies “Yes ma’am, I use it and it works great!”So the woman asks “Can you get it over the counter?”The Pharmacist says “Yes, …… but, I have to take two of them.”BA-DA Bing!
:woot:~AnnieAnnieHallParticipantThe Pope is working a crossword puzzle and gets stuck on a clue. He decides to seek the help of a passing cardinal.
“Psst’ the Pope whispers to the cardinal, “Can you think of a four letter word for a woman that ends with U-N-T?”:confused:
…….
The cardinal thinks for a moment, and then after some pondering says “I’ve got it! ….AUNT!”
……..
The pope says “Got an eraser?”:o+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
“Aunt” didn’t occur to me and I am one.
BA-DA BING!
~AnnieAnnieHallParticipant+++:D~ 😀 ~:D~ :D~ 😀 ~:D~ :D+++Thanks so much mr oats and leap for the warm welcome as well as the top notch tutelege. 😉 The visual aids were specially nice.
I also like the idea of the introduction thread. I look forward to checking it out, getting the scoop on y’all and I will certainly post a tidbit or two about myself as soon as I get a chance.
I’m sure I can provide lots more in the way of dumb questions and light hearted smart ass retort. My friends say I have comedic torrets.:woot: LOL!
Thanks again Y’all!
~AnnieAugust 29, 2007 at 12:54 am in reply to: Let’s start a fun game – "Ban the person above you" #162275AnnieHallParticipantI ban Shrek for (finally) having the world’s most obvious avatar.
Hello pot?…. this is the kettle …. you’re black. :confused:
…and for that I ban da bear. (pun intended):p
Am I too new to be such a smart ass?:o
And I do realize that this shot comes after the buzzer…
…but what the heck I always say “Better late than pregnant“BA-DA BING!
:woot: ~Annie -
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