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Last night I was sat down by my parents (I am 15 for anyone that didn’t know) and I was basically yelled at in my face for how long I am on the computer a day. Now I admit that I am on it a lot, but I see nothing that wrong with it, and it’s not like I am completey un-social like my parents say. They yelled at me for not being social, not having friends (which I do, and not just e-friends) and wasting my life on the computer. Now some of you will agree with them and say it is a waste, but I say that, that is pure opinion. Again I am not completey un-social, I go out to movies with friends, and I have friends spend the night, I just don’t do it enough according to my parents. If I don’t want to see a movie becuase it looks stupid, should I be foreced to go to be “social”? If I am tired, why should I have a friends stay when we would stay up for 24 hours straight? Same goes for homework? I think the word social’s definition is to broad, who defines it as what, and how often do I need to be it, why should I go by my parents definition when I should be molding my own?
I think of an accomplishment as getting staff a BBB or winning a BBB contest (thanks Jeff :)) or fixing a problem with my website. My parents see an accomplishment as winning a sports game or getting good grades. Now make no mistake I completely agree with them on that, and it’s not like I am not getting good grades, so that isn’t a reason for me to be kicked off, I am straight A students, and always have been. It’s that my parents don’t agree with nor will they hear me out, I think it’s the way people were raised, or when. Obviously when my parents grew up, technology wasn’t as big as it is today. So I guess that plays a part in why they think it’s a waste, but still why can’t they hear me out, I thought my controversial Blog Topic would help raise awarness to them, but it just resulted in a grounding for me, and partially becuase of my sister.
Now I am not blaming her for everything, but I wanted to move the computer to a darker and cooler location (it’s surrounded by windows now = light and heat), but my sister told them I would do “bad” things. She also told them that I spend way to much time on it as well, but again that is her opinion, and I am just saying their decisions seem to be biased on her opinion as well (she is 19 and at college BTW). I am just saying that I enjoy the computer, and I am positive if I spent as much time on sports as I do it, then I wouldn’t be yelled at for that. I see why sports are good, but when I am picked last in gym class and I suck at sports, I shouldn’t need to humiliate myself. Sports do provide exercise, which I need, but I had a plan. Had. I was going to run 15-20 mins/day before getting on the computer, but now that my time on it has been “drastically changed” I’ll have to find another plan.
Now the question I ask you, and my parents, what’s the difference between playing on the computer, and watching TV or playing a PS2 or something? They have issues with the computer, but not TV or Console games, I could do those 2 all day and they wouldn’t care. There is way more to do on the computer. Again, I am just saying it’s what I do, it’s what I like to do, it’s my hobby and it’s what I do best… so why should I be limited on it? I would normally post something like this in my blog, but my sister would read it and call my parents (like before) and I would get in trouble, and besides here I will get more opinion, since I have about 5-6 people who post on my site.
Thanks for hearing me out :).
Heh, yeah. Well for me, I have this “only even hour” deal thing, where if it’s an even numbered hour (in my timezone, they made that clear) that I can be on, but if it’s an odd numbered hour then my brother can choose to get on, and if he doesn’t want to then I still have to wait. So I find myself watching my Scrubs DVD’s. Yeah. Over and over and over and over again. “Ra-heely? I do think so. *whistles* Newbe..” Yeah. I do agree, however now I do practice my sax and err…watch TV? Yay! I actually rot my brain. However, I do understand that I was on an unbelievable ammount. But ah, just make me more @#$%ing unhappy. No, it doesn’t bother me. Just have to put up with crap all day anyways, why should I be happy? *thinks about getting a shrink*
ShadowdogMU wrote:Now the question I ask you, and my parents, what’s the difference between playing on the computer, and watching TV or playing a PS2 or something?Well, you can do much, much more productive things on a computer than you can just watching TV or Video games. 🙂Using a computer a lot is good… the world needs computer-savvy people to help with other non-computer-savvy people. And like Tigerblade said, people have gotten rich that way. I’d say that as long as you are doing enough other things besides the computer, then I’d say you’re ok. I kind of have to agree that you should live up to your own dreams instead of your parent’s dreams of what they want you to be. But I guess I’ll give credit to your parents for at least caring about you.
Yeah, my mom is the same way: “You spend too much time on the computer, Go out more,” etc… Then again, everyone in my family (with the exception of my dad) knows how to use the basics of the computer… So yeah, heh, My dad and I are just about the only ones who use it. But anyway, my Mom is sometimes like “Andrew, I just hate seeing you sitting there…” But if I tell her a book I’m reading, or something I’m going to do outside the house that week before/while I’m on the computer, she puts up with me on the computer. But I am active in sports 2/3 the year, with Cross Country and Track, and use the computer alot less then… But during the Winter time (now) is when she starts questioning my computer behavior. If I tell her that I’m involved, give her a sign I’m not a complete computer addict, she will subside. I also use the computer in the morning alot too, no-one is up, I’m up for my paper route, so I have “me-time”: She can’t penalize or scold me if they don’t know I’m on the computer… 😉
Anyway, I would try telling your parents you are active in other things just any time of the day, to let them know, and maybe they wouldn’t be so off-edge about it when you do go on the computer. Or maybe if you can find a time of the day where everyone else seems to busy to care if you go on the computer or not, that should work. … Hope everything works out for you, Brock.
I’ve been through a bunch of computer-time limitation schemes over the past few years, from as little as an hour a day, to fully unlimited (current situation). I pretty much just ignored their rules, came up with reasons why I needed to use the computer, bitched a lot when I wasn’t allowed to use it. It all worked well.
Granted it’s also apparent to anyone around me for very long that I’m more advanced than most will ever be around, it’s rare someone will have a question I can’t answer, or that someone else in the house will have a problem I can’t fix with just a few keystrokes.
I’m not a straight-A student, never have been, never will be. But I’m also 17; it took me a few years to get them to give up on limitations. It’ll take time, but it does work.
Yeah, I would have to say that using the computer can be a lot more constructive than watching TV or playing games. That being said, it would depend on what you were actually doing on the computer.
How much time do you spend on the computer though? If it’s the majority of the time you are awake, then it’s slightly more than a hobby and your parents do have a right to be quite worried.
David wrote:I’ve been through a bunch of computer-time limitation schemes over the past few years, from as little as an hour a day, to fully unlimited (current situation). I pretty much just ignored their rules, came up with reasons why I needed to use the computer, bitched a lot when I wasn’t allowed to use it. It all worked well.Granted it’s also apparent to anyone around me for very long that I’m more advanced than most will ever be around, it’s rare someone will have a question I can’t answer, or that someone else in the house will have a problem I can’t fix with just a few keystrokes.
I’m not a straight-A student, never have been, never will be. But I’m also 17; it took me a few years to get them to give up on limitations. It’ll take time, but it does work.
Lol, that was my method, until I got yelled at in the face, and my dad was so pissed that he might take the cable modem to work… what will that do I ask? I can still play my games, if they do that they are only making it worse, at lease with the internet I keep on my [technology] news and be social in a differnent form that they don’t consider being social. Most times I am on the computer a lot, and if I have nothing to do on the weekend, I am not going to get off just so I can be bored, so for all who asked how long I am on… it depends on what I have to do or where I have to be. Thanks for the replies everyone.David wrote:I’ve been through a bunch of computer-time limitation schemes over the past few years, from as little as an hour a day, to fully unlimited (current situation). I pretty much just ignored their rules, came up with reasons why I needed to use the computer, bitched a lot when I wasn’t allowed to use it. It all worked well.Granted it’s also apparent to anyone around me for very long that I’m more advanced than most will ever be around, it’s rare someone will have a question I can’t answer, or that someone else in the house will have a problem I can’t fix with just a few keystrokes.
I’m not a straight-A student, never have been, never will be. But I’m also 17; it took me a few years to get them to give up on limitations. It’ll take time, but it does work.
If that was not true I’d call you a little, pompous ass! 😉 But there are things to be said for doing things off of the PC. And Dave, you have not been on NEARLY as often as you used to be…seriously. How many times in the last year or so have I seen “I’m out bowling…call my cell” or things of the like. Now that you are unlimited..you are on less. And that’s because you have become more well rounded. And that’s what the parents (all of your parents) are looking for.
That’s the important thing, to try new things and not get so attached to one thing that you cannot survive (or be happy) without it. And as much as you might be mad at your sister…she’s said those things to your parents because she cares about you. (She’s probably seen what has happened to kids who didn’t do anything but play on the PC at her college.) There’s certainly nothing wrong with being computer savvy…but there has to be something else there…because a good personality and some cultural knowledge can take you farther than you might imagine. 🙂 (Boy….I hope I don’t sound too old….) 🙂Well…I just wonder how you would be when you all have kids. I know the newer generations are more computer savvy, and utilize computer’s more, but how would you be if your kid was on the computer most of the day? I wouldn’t like it. I would probably think just how your parents are thinking right now. As for the difference between playing video games and watching tv and using computer, I really don’t see any. I would just try to get my child to do more exercise, play sports, do something that is good for the body, and also go out. Like Oreo said, it shouldn’t become something you NEED or can’t live without. I know some people that got stressed out during the power loss of hurricanes because they couldn’t use the net. I just sat down and read a whole book, then played Risk, with some family. It was very nice and it is nice knowing the computer is just something you can use, and easily not use at the same time.
It’s quite odd you brought this up as me and my hubby sat the kids down in the new year for the same reason. My eldest is 14 and it’s sport, sport, sport for him. Most night’s training or playing rugby, he runs in gets his gear and rushes off to do his thing. In the summer he is the same with cricket. My youngest is a playstation/lego builder lol.
Anyway, basically we sat down and said to the kids we want us to have a family hour every night. When we all get in from school/work, we will expect us all to be able to all have the evening meal together to talk about our day.
It might sounds silly, but I was actually missing my eldest son because he was never at home, just grabbing a snack and dashing off.
Maybe that is what your mum and dad are also feeling. It might be the amount of time your on the computer but also they just want some time with you. Might be boring but hey just telling you the mum side of it :o. I might add they actually love it now, we have quite a giggle. Promise! :0)
Well having opinions from mothers other than my own really do help, and so far it hasn’t been as bad as I imagined, but we’ll just see how it all goes when the weekend comes. I also just want to claify that I am not a 400 lb. lazy teenage who does nothing, I am not exactly fit, and it my plans to run to lose about 5 lbs.
I see your point Sarah, but in my house, now that my sister is gone and both of my parents work, we don’t really have family time, you could consider our dinners family time, becuase there we all sit down for a good 1/2 hour – 1 hour and sit, eat and talk. I guess that’s family time enought, besides too much family time makes you want to shoot yourself :).
Orea I do see you point, a very good one at that. A more rounded person. As I am only 15, doing out of the house/town things are kind of hard to accomplish. I would have to make sure my parents could take me or my friends’ parents could. I guess that’ll change with time. I get my temps in a week and soon after that I’ll be driving! Although my parent’s are threatening me with that too, so maybe it won’t be just a week…
Well, here’s my take, as someone who’s fairly in the middle between a teenager and a parent. (I’m 21, for reference) I can see both sides of the argument, and I agree with parts of both.
As for your side. I’m like you are, I spend a LOT of time on the computer. My parents (mostly my mom lately) are occasionally making comments like “you’re on the computer again?” when they see me sitting at it. (I have my own laptop, in my own room, so it’s not like the family computer or anything) Bear in mind, I’m not just sitting at the computer reading comics or playing games all day. I do read comics online and talk to friends, etc, but that’s not the entirety of my computer time. Most of my time on this thing is spent doing some kind of productive work. Whether it’s webdesign, graphics, coding, etc… it’s productive of some sort or another. I’m not gonna say ALL my time is productive, it’s not supposed to be. But a lot of it is. I’d rather be on the computer than watching TV or playing video games… there’s way more to see and do.
That said, I can see where your parents would be concerned. Especially when you’re just fifteen (dont take that to sound condescending or anything, that’s not how i mean it), you shouldn’t be spending all your time on the computer. I for one, although I hated it at the time, am grateful that my parents wouldn’t have let me just sit inside all day (i wasnt necessarily on the computer – those days didnt start til later). They made me go out and be active. Not necessarily *social* but active. Swimming, soccer, running, playing in general, etc. It’s good for you to be as active as you can, especially while you’re in your teenage years. I know this is much much easier said than done, but go out and try to make as many friends as you can. I dont mean close would-die-for-each-other friends or best friends or anything, just casual friends that you can hang out with. You dont need a car to have fun. Spend as much time as you can going out with friends – those are the times you’ll remember more than sitting at the computer. Believe me. It’s your parents’ responsibility to look out for you. I’m sure they understand (even if they wont admit it) that you’re not just sitting around doing nothing when you’re on the computer. That’s not the problem. Their problem is that they dont want to see you sitting by yourself on a computer (even if you’re talking to friends) that you dont take the time to find yourself a social life.
I sympathize with both sides of this one. I support their time limitations for the following reasons: they’re your parents and have the authority to do so, especially if it’s a family computer; they’re your parents and are looking out for your best interests; and there’s a huge world outside that you can go discover. I disagree with their limitations for these reasons: it’s your time; you’re being productive and e-social.
Think of it this way: it’s not permanent. You’re only fifteen, you have plenty of time ahead of you to spend as you please. Especially if/when you go to college, if you’re living on your own (or at least relatively so) you can make as many choices of your own as you wish.
edit: just found this, thought it was appropriate: white bread’s deep thoughts…
One thing that most parents overlook is that IM makes an amazingly good communication medium, I get a hell of a lot more “hey you wanna go do something?” IM’s than I do phone or cell phone calls. If someone wants to get in touch with me, they send me an IM before they’ll even try to call. It just makes sense, you can have a complete discussion while not only talking to other people, but also doing other work at the same time. I’m going to be a lot more social and likely to go out if I’m at my computer first, I can make plans and see who’s up for what–it’s easy and quick, and thats why I think IM is great.
Granted, I rely on my computer(s) a lot, and I would be pretty unhappy without them/it. In addition to my desktop and router, I have two laptops I carry around, one for power and one for mobility, I always end up doing work when I’m at school or around with it. Computing systems are a huge part of my life, they’re not what my life is, but they make it easier.
And for Oreo’s point–yeah, I do go out quite a lot, it’s unusual to see me home before midnight on a friday or saturday night, and I don’t go home directly after school that often either. But that’s only because I was anti-social for a year and a half while I learned, it gave me an ‘in’ with the intelligent/geek crowd if you will. I certainly would not be the person I am today without that skill, I wouldn’t be as popular and social as I am now either.
That being said, if you’re not being productive, you don’t have any argument against your parents–other than the communication medium. So you’re probably just going to have to live with it, or find some sneaky way around it.
Put quite simply, here’s how it is:
My parents have tried setting limits, they’ve tried to have control over the modem, but the plain fact is that they realize that I’m better than them at this sort of thing, so I think they just let me do my thing. I think it’s also because they know I’m training / teching myself for later on in life, because they know and acknowledge that this (computers) is what I want my profession to be. I’ve been very explicit when I tell them that I’m very social on my computer, and I’m productive, as well (selling things on eBay, etc.) I remember one time my dad threatened to simply unplug my computer. I know I shouldn’t have, but I screamed at him. I went off on how it’s not good for the hardware, I’m in the middle of ten different things, people would start asking questions, etc. I think I startled him so much that he didn’t end up doing it.
It all depends on what you’re doing, and if you’re keeping up elsewhere, too. My dad threatened to unplug my computer because I had neglected to clean my rom in 3 days like he told me to do, so I kinda had it coming to me. But if you’re keeping up with other things, schoolwork, etc. then there’s no way they shouldn’t let you on more.
Brock…you should definately print this topic out and show it to your parents, see what they say. 🙂
Spike wrote:the plain fact is that they realize that I’m better than them at this sort of thing, so I think they just let me do my thing.exactly. my dad is *kinda* competent on the computer, my mom knows only what she must. they realize they still need me to fix theirs occasionally, and they really can’t stop me from using mine, so they let it be. plus i’m not a kid anymore, they can’t take away my toys. this is my only real toy anyway.
Quote:I think it’s also because they know I’m training / teching myself for later on in life, because they know and acknowledge that this (computers) is what I want my profession to be.ditto. they know i want to get into webdesign as a career, so they let me play. brock, if you can get them to realize that you’re working toward your future and not just playing around, maybe…
Quote:It all depends on what you’re doing, and if you’re keeping up elsewhere, too. … But if you’re keeping up with other things, schoolwork, etc. then there’s no way they shouldn’t let you on more.exactly. as long as you dont turn into one of those people who sit in their basement for weeks without going outside because they’re always on the computer, then there’s a problem. if you’re still keeping healthy, still keeping real-life friends, still doing your chores/work, etc… then i see no problem.
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