Mini-guide: what to do if you’re blocked

This guide is intended for AIM users but will work for those who use similar instant messengers. I wrote this guide because people often ask about getting blocked.

How to tell if you are blocked

The first thing you should know are the effects of being blocked. If someone blocks you, they will appear offline and you will be unable to send them messages or see their profile. Similarly, the person who blocked you will not be able to contact you or see your profile either. The effects are the same as if you blocked that person. Note: Both users can still communicate indirectly if they are invited to the same chat room by a third user.

There are ways to tell if you are blocked. For example, you can go to Blockstatus.com and check if the user is online. Alternatively, you can create another screen name. If the user appears online on your new account but does not show up on your main one, chances are you have been blocked. This will not work if the user only allows messages from people on their buddy list, but if you have any mutual friends with the user in question, you can ask them to check for you.

Why you may have been blocked

Unlike being banned from a forum, blocks are not administrative issues. Since each user in charge of their own screen name, they can set whatever rules they like and do not have to follow any bureaucratic process when blocking someone. For example, I could make the following rule if I wanted to:

“Any user with ‘1337’ in their screen names will be blocked – no exceptions.”

Fortunately, I’m not mean like that. 🙂 Anyways, back on topic. Since blocks are more of a personal issue than an administrative one, blocked users are not necessarily entitled to know why they were blocked, as opposed to being banned from a forum.

Aside from possibly being offended, many people are under the impression that they must have done something wrong if they were blocked. It would be reasonable for them to wonder what they did “wrong” so they can avoid getting blocked again. (By the same token, you should show the same level of respect. If someone is making you uncomfortable, you should first ask them to stop instead of rudely blocking them unless they are blatantly harassing you.)

This is not always the case. Some users will block other people for merely saying “hi.” If you had been polite and respectful to someone and still get blocked, then you’ve probably done nothing wrong. Here are the most common reasons for blocking someone, listed in descending severity:

1. The user thinks you sre harassing them
2. The user feels uncomfortable talking to unfamiliar people online
3. The user thinks you’re annoying
4. The user recently ended a relationship with you and is following the “no contact rule”
5. The user is too busy for casual chatting
6. The user accidentally blocked you

(To those of you who block people for randomly IM-ing you: why don’t use do us both a favor by using the appropriate privacy settings and not posting your screen name on public sites? I’m sorry for putting my soapbox here; I’ll put it away right now.)

Some posters on an earlier thread of mine said blocks should not be challenged since blocked users were probably “blocked for a reason.”

I disagree. Consider the following scenario:

Suppose I have a good friend from college, and that we frequently IM each other. He blocks me one night but still wants to eat lunch with me the next day. Should I ask him why he blocked me, or should I consign to the “fact” that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? I sure as hell know which option I’m going to take. As a matter of fact, the AOL UK site encourages blocked users to ask their friends to unblock them.

Some people on the earlier thread said that it was impossible to block someone by accident. This is not true. If the “accept message” dialog appears and the “b” key is pressed, users will get the option to block. Pressing the “y” key (equivalent to clicking “yes”) will block the user. It is possible to block someone by typing the word “by” and not know it.

I’ve accidentally blocked users this way. Some of my friends have also blocked me by accident, most likely in the same way.

Several people on the earlier thread said that the only reason for getting blocked is that the user “does not want to talk to you.”

Suppose it is impossible to block someone by accident and that all blocks are intentional. Indeed, the obvious reason for being blocked would be because the user “does not want to talk to you.” However, this is very general. There are many specific reasons why this might be the case. Consider these examples:

“I don’t want to talk to you because…”

1. “…I’m busy.”
2. “…you’re a creep.”
3. “…I don’t like your screen name.”
4. “…you talk too much.”
5. “…you made me upset last night.”

How to request someone to unblock you

One of the most frequently asked questions is, “Is there a way to myself from someone’s block list?” This is not technically possible. A user’s block list data is stored on the AOL server and can only be changed by that user or an AOL staff member. You cannot change someone else’s block list unless you hack into the AOL server or gain access to their account, both of which are downright illegal and will likely land you in jail. Any program that claims to be able to get you unblocked is most likely a trojan that will steal your password and should definitely be avoided. Even if such a program did exist, using it would breach AOL’s terms of service and you’d probably get in big trouble.

The only way to get unblocked is to “appeal” the block. However, before doing deciding whether to challenge the block, you should try to determine whether it was intentional or not.

If the block is intentional, trying to “appeal” the block may annoy the user even more and this can be seen as harassment. If the user blocks you right after you IM them without saying anything, it was probably an accident. If the user blocks you after talking to you, then it is possible the block was intentional. If they say something like “g2g” (or otherwise “telling you off”) before blocking you, then you can almost be 100% sure that the block was intentional, since the user most likely knew what they were doing.

While a block is only a technical means of ignoring your messages, it is generally a bad idea to immediately start IM-ing them on another screen name. In many cases, being blocked means you are blocked as a person. If the person really wanted to avoid chatting with you, IM-ing them on another screen name may make them more upset. Just because someone does not tell you to stop IM-ing them doesn’t mean you should keep doing so.

If you decide to “appeal” the block, you should use a less “intrusive” method, such as e-mail, to communicate. I consider IMs to be more “intrusive” since they pop up right in front of the user. You should never jump to conclusions or accuse the user in your e-mail.

If you are sure the block was accidental, your message should look something like this:

If you are in doubt, use this:

For both intentional and accidental blocks, e-mail is the best way to “appeal” a block. If you do not know the person’s e-mail, you can IM them on another screen name, which you should only do if you’re sure the block was accidental. Otherwise, this can be seen as harassment. If you believe the block was intentional, you should wait some time (at least a few weeks) before IM-ing the user on your new screen name. If you know the person in real life, it’s best to talk to them face-to-face.

I’ve gotten several friends (who accidentally blocked me) to unblock me using these methods. One of them actually thanked me for asking her to check her block list because she was unknowingly blocking several of her other friends!

How to reduce the chances of getting blocked, especially if you’re talking to someone you do not know

I don’t try to make online friends, so I can’t give you much advice on the following area. If you decide to IM unfamiliar people, especially for social reasons, here are some ways to lower your chances of getting blocked:

1. Use a less “intrusive” method first, such as e-mail.
2. When IM-ing the person, identify yourself first.
3. Ask the person if it is a good time to talk.
4. Tell the person that you’ll leave them alone if they feel uncomfortable with random IMs.
5. The most important: be polite and respectful at all times.

These guidelines can be relaxed if you’re IM-ing the person for business reasons, but you should still be polite and respectful. The main reason for being respectful is not to prevent yourself from getting blocked, but because the other person has feelings, too.

Updated: April 4th, 2009