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A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
Dear Son,
I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers
with them for their house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address.This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen ’em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn’t make thefinal payment on Grandma’s funderal bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don’t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn’t get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don’t get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
shearheaven
hahaha!! that proper made me laugh!! reeeeally good…..any one else got some more to add so that i can giggle some more
?Phil
First of all, let me say I am from the South. Alabama to be exact, and I am in the country, so many would consider me to be a redneck. I AINT. 🙂 There is a huge difference between a redneck and a Southerner, although some dont realize it and consider them one in the same. I love that joke Shear posted. I actually know a few folks around here that way.
Jeff Foxworthy has the best redneck jokes ive ever heard. The one he told about wearing the boxers, and his grandma saying if he didnt stop wearing them boxers, his thang was gonna hang down to his knees, liked to have got my oldest son a good beating. He loved those jokes, and watched them daily, and one day when he was about 9 or 10 years old, we were in the Walmart, and Matthew yelled to me ” hey mama, if I dont stop wearing these boxers my thang is gonna hang down to my knees” and I could have died right then. Of course he was laughing so hard, he thought he was Foxworthy #2. He was not allowed in town with me for a couple more years. lol
Now, Kris, you forget about them thar blackeyed peas with yor cornbread baby, you all go out in that thar turnip green patch and pick a big ole mess of dem greens, cook em up real slow like, with some fatback or a couple of ole porkchops on top. Then darlin, when them greens are tender and yor tongue is slappin the top of yor head with awantin, git a big ole bowl of em and then take that big ole slab of cornbread, crumble it on yor plate, or platter, whichever is the bestest fer ya, and pour you sum of that thar ole pot likker over it. LAWWWWWs me baby, you all will be lickin that platter plum clean.
We never lose the ones we love, we lose the person, but love never dies. 🙂
just so you all know, that about the greens, cooked with a couple of porkchops on them is really the way we eat them. It is really good, but not with just turnip greens, you have to have some mustard leaves mixed in also. And the pot likker over cornbread is a meal in itself. Its great, if any of you aint ever tried it.
We never lose the ones we love, we lose the person, but love never dies. 🙂
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