Who I Am

I don’t think I have ever done one of these things on BBB before and I have never really done something LIKE what I am going to post on any other website that asks for it, so read on below if you have any interest. I assume I left some things out but I don’t think they are important enough because they never came to mind while writing it. I don’t feel like I have anything to hide, so I don’t really have an issue with people knowing what I am going to post. I am also not really looking for any specific comments back so, that is totally up to whom ever reads this. And for those who do, thanks for taking the time to understand who I truly am. 😮

To get the best explanation of my self is probably to ask those who know me. I’m one of those types of people who ‘commingle’ with everyone. I’m able to speak with all types of personalities and life styles and for that person who open up to me for them not to think I am a poser.

For my self to actually define my self, well I’ll try. I’m more of a quiet type. I can definitely be shy, but I can break out and totally surprise you as well. Depending on how well I truly know you; my personal life is for me to know, and you to find out. I’m a guy that loves to know and learn. If you have a life story, I love to hear it. And it’s not because I am nosey, well… isn’t everyone? Mainly, it’s because I am the type of person anyone can turn to, to vent. I don’t necessarily always have advice for people but if I do, it’s usually either my own personal experiences or my outlook on how I would fit their shoes. I never interrupt people with my own personal similarities to the situation, but rather lend the listening ear that never mutes out. I think that’s why a lot of people seem to like me.

I am an extremely judgmental person, both in a bad way and a good way. I’m down to earth, but brutally honest. I think of it as tough love, but it bugs me even more to be a ‘two-faced person’. Those types of people are one of my biggest pet peeves. If I don’t like a person, it’s for me to tell them. Whether or not I want to tell them why depends on how much I can tolerate them. But I want and expect the same from others. There is no sense trying to impress someone who doesn’t like you, or trying to be friends with someone you dislike. But things can always work out for the better. This way, you don’t end up getting other people caught in the middle of wars like getting them involved with hear say. Honesty can cure problems if you allow it. It may not always sound the way you want it to, but it also lets you build as a person and grow. That is my personal gain, and it will continue to be for as long as I life.

First impressions mean nothing to me (unless you’re sexually attractive of course). People try too hard for first impressions and end up getting hurt thinking they knew someone they truly didn’t. Myself, I put people through many personal tests before I debut the person I believe they will like. I’m not saying I have multiple personalities (because I would probably be in an institution) but, I have one personality that can bend like no tomorrow to adapt to the one I am speaking with. It’s never a stretch where it goes far enough that someone else cannot recognize me. It’s sort of hard to explain and it’s probably hard for someone to understand without getting their own indication of who I am. But that is their call. My aim is to try and please all. If it doesn’t work out, so be it.

My workmanship and at least for right now in my life I envy the professional view of life. I want one of those office jobs or a job where you can dress respectfully, interact with intelligent people and where I am able to be able to make money on my intelligence with a pen and paper rather than working with my hands. I’m not a small person and I do have a big frame. I am no stranger to physical work. However it can be limited with my health condition but I try not to back down do it. To better describe, I am not afraid of it. I know my limitations and to work within them. When it comes to working physically, I can be beneficial. That is an awesome thing, but I would rather have it as a hobby as something to enjoy rather than knowing I have to use my body in a physical way to make production than using my mind. I am better off being able to cope with a mental stress than a physical one.

Right now, I’m not even 50% sure where or what I want to do with my life. I am not well off on any straight paths. Even though I admire and listen to everyone’s opinions on what they think I should do with my life, my mind tells me it’s ultimately up to me. I do tend to put things into my mind too soon that people tell me, and I tend to disappoint my self too often, but I am working on that.

What I find hard in my life, is really deep enough within my self that perhaps one day I can explode it out. For now, it’s trying to contain it. Other than this, I find my self perhaps too conservative. As much as I can try and adapt to change, I have too well of a memory to remember what things really were like. Obviously, key word being were. It’s not a bad thing, but it can be a hard thing at times. I tend to remember way too many things of the past. And it’s never about not wanting to change. It’s more so scared of what the change will bring. Will I like it? Will I be able to forget the past? Will it make me a better person? Will it make things around me better?

I am also a perfectionist. And it’s a very weird thing. I always want the best. But, I can be a very lazy perfectionist as well. And that confuses a lot of people. It even does to me. As much as I thought an issue it was in school, I rather now think of it as being a fun challenge for my self. I am a competitive person, but being able to compete with my self is always fun. The only issue with being a perfectionist is, not only am I trying to impress my self, but others as well. And when I don’t get recognition for something, or when people don’t expect much and I give them too much, they don’t care. This was a major issue for me in high school mentally, and it seems like it’s an issue for others in the work place. Being some where, where they don’t want perfect but mediocre is not always easy to swallow. Having this, I know I won’t be able to change, so I want something that can adapt to, and to help me as a person. Finding that job where they not only welcome it, but can expect it, is what I long for. Is there honestly that something out there? If you know, drop me a message! Please!

After saying all this, you’re either going to have your own opinion or you’re going to understand where I am coming from. Hopefully you can see me for who I am and not for what you think I am. And if you do, so be it. Just don’t expect me to give a rat’s ass.
I am an emotional stable person. And even though I am unsure of my future and what it brings, I can tell you that I will try with everything I have to make the most of it. As hard as it is for me to know what that is yet, I truly hope I can live up to that personal expectation. “I am not an unstable person – I am just a confused one.” This is the quote I am currently living on. Hopefully that will change, but for now, this is all.