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Dr Kimble.
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October 21, 2005 at 9:30 pm #20397
Jeff Hester
KeymasterBy Matt Diamond, The John Hopkins News-Letter
In my last column, I began with a quick run-through of the biblical creation of the world. I guess I made a few slight exaggerations (like claiming that people in the 60s only sang about grass, trees, the sun and the moon, when in reality they also sang about dropping large amounts of acid), but I thought my rendition was still pretty spot-on. However, it occurred to me later that perhaps some people might not know the Bible at all. This is understandable for a number of reasons:
- It’s not as exciting as other ancient religious texts, like The Koran and The Da Vinci Code
- It hasn’t been made into an action-packed, feature film starring Keanu Reeves
- Too many words
So, for the sake of those who haven’t read the Bible, I’ve come up with informative summaries for a few of the most important Old Testament stories (yeah, I’m Jewish, we keep it old school). And, to make this as accessible as possible, I’ve written them in a style that should be familiar to everyone: AOL Instant Messenger. Enjoy!
AOL PRESENTS: THE OLD TESTAMENT
The Garden of Eden
THELORD777: yo AdamMadamImAdam: yo, sup God
THELORD777: nm, u
MadamImAdam: nm
THELORD777: u like forbidden apples?
MadamImAdam: um, sure
THELORD777: well I got her number, how do u like them forbidden apples LOL
MadamImAdam: wut r u talking about
THELORD777: didn’t u see Good Will Hunting
MadamImAdam: um, no…
THELORD777: stfu, ur out of the garden
Cain and AbelTHELORD777: ‘supCainDaBrain32: nm, u
THELORD777: nm
THELORD777: did u kill ur brother
CainDaBrain32: ya
THELORD777: LOL
The Story of Abraham
THELORD777: yo AbeJewmeroUno: yo
THELORD777: kill ur son
JewmeroUno: alright
JewmeroUno has signed off.
THELORD777: haha, j/k
THELORD777: …
THELORD777: ah crap
God Speaks To Moses From A Burning Bush
THELORD777: yoMoMoneyMoSes: yo
THELORD777: wut r u wearing
MoMoneyMoSes: what?
THELORD777: oo baby, ur making me so hot n holy
MoMoneyMoSes: uhhhhh
THELORD777: j/k, free the Jews
God Speaks to Moses at Mount Sinai
THELORD777: I got sumthing 4 uMoMoneyMoSes: wut is it
THELORD777: u’ll see, it’s kewl
MoMoneyMoSes: ok
THELORD777 wants to send file “TenCommandments.doc”
MoMoneyMoSes has received “TenCommandments.doc”
MoMoneyMoSes: I lost the file, send again
THELORD777: wtf, u idiot
THELORD777 wants to send file “TenCommandments.doc”
MoMoneyMoSes has received “TenCommandments.doc”
MoMoneyMoSes: did u write this
THELORD777: ya
MoMoneyMoSes: it sux
THELORD777: that’s it, ur going to die without entering the Holy Land
MoMoneyMoSes: aw poo
THELORD777: LOL poo
Matt Diamond likes them forbidden apples just fine and can be contacted at [email protected].
Source: John Hopkins News-Letter
October 23, 2005 at 2:48 pm #132145Gandalf
MemberIf I laugh at that, does it mean I’m going to hell? I like the Story of Abraham. j/k
October 24, 2005 at 2:07 am #132146Dr Kimble
ParticipantWhat’s funny is that it does do a pretty good job of summing up those stories. Minus the lol’s and j/k’s of course.
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