Breaking the Link Between Cyberbullies and Their Victims

When Typical Parental Controls Aren’t Enough, Just Cut the Cord

Instant messaging (IM) isone of the most popular forms of communication among adolescents. But along with this new technology comes a new, more insidious way for kids to bully other kids. “Instant messaging is the new environment for getting into trouble. The unprecedented changes in technology have provided the youth of today with new and very powerful tools to challenge our old norms,” said Robert Price, Ed.D., Technology Coordinator of the Haworth, New Jersey Public School system.

Cyberbullying is quickly becoming one of the more challenging issues facing parents and educators. With a screen name and the click of a mouse, bullies can extend the reach of their threats directly into the homes of the victims. As long as a child is online, there is no refuge from the taunting and insults that are an unfortunate part of adolescent behavior.

And with no obvious physical signs of bullying, it may be difficult to recognize a victim of cyberbullying. Feeling embarrassed or fearing more harsh reprisals, the victims may also be more reluctant to reveal that they have been threatened. According to Dr. Price, “If your child appears sad, angry, or anxious after using the Internet, quickly changes the window displayed on the monitor when you walk in the room, has a sudden reluctance to go online, makes subtle comments about negative online relationships, or becomes reluctant to go to school or meet with friends, your child may be the victim of a cyberbully.”

The challenge parents face is breaking the link between the cyberbully and the victim. Limiting a cyberbully’s access through instant messaging programs may be a tall order for many of today’s families. Standing over the back of a child while he is at the computer is not a realistic expectation for parents crunched for time and is certainly not something the child will tolerate.

Removing an IM program from the computer is also little defense for today’s computer savvy kids who could easily download a different IM program for free directly from the Internet.

The simplest solution for parents may be the most effective. Limiting the time children spend instant messaging may reduce their exposure to negative behavior and help them to focus on more productive tasks. “A program like I.M Control!TM gives parents the ability to manage IM, and helps children to learn to better schedule their use of this form of communication,” said Dr. Price.

“Parents can easily set IM time limits for their children with I.M. Control!™, scheduling specific time periods each day for IM use for each family member. Scheduled IM will help parents gain control of an out of control situation,” said Jonathan Grief, I.M. Control!™ director of marketing.

I.M. Control!™, a 2005 Parents’ Choice Recommended Award winner, made its debut in the software market during the summer of 2004. Compatible with the most popular instant messaging software, I.M. Control!™ allows parents to set limits for the time children spend instant messaging. For more information, visit http://www.imcontrol.net or call 908-654-0400.

Dr. Robert Price’s Tips for Instant Messaging Safety

What Parents Can Do:

• Know what your kids are doing online and who they’re chatting with via IM
• Have your kids go through their buddy list and tell you who they are and how they know them
• Remind your kids that there are real people with real feelings on the other end of the messages and they should behave as they would if they were face-to-face with the other person
• Tell them that they should assume that there will be a permanent record of the messages they send
• Install time scheduling software, such as IM Control!TM, on your child’s computer to help regulate when they can IM, discuss appropriate times for instant messaging
• Let your kids know that it’s okay to come to you if they feel threatened or harassed
• Keep an eye out for signs of cyber-bullying (change in patterns of computer use, a reluctance to go to school)
• If your child is being harassed, save any threatening messages
• If you know the message sender, speak with the parents
• Contact your ISP or the IM software provider. Most have acceptable use policies against harassment.

What Kids Can Do:

• Guard your screen name. Don’t give it out to people you don’t know
• Protect your password so others can’t sign on and send messages in your name
• If you’re being harassed, don’t respond to the messages
• Block the bully from messaging you
• Tell a responsible adult if you feel threatened.