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October 20, 2004 at 6:26 pm #8225SpikeMember
California’s New Employee Handbook
THE NEW 2004 CALIFORNIA STATE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
BY “ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER”
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average! figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do! for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
Thank you for your loyalty to our great state. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
THE GOVERNATOR
October 20, 2004 at 10:57 pm #70172TigerbladeParticipanti’ve seen this before but not from the governator… still good though
i’m definitely implementing this in my future company
October 21, 2004 at 1:52 am #70169detn8rParticipantI’m sorry, but what the hell is a Governator? Are you sure you don’t mean Governor?
Oh, and who ever can take a 3 minute sh** needs help. 😀
October 21, 2004 at 2:35 am #70173mdandeMemberdamn I am the chronic offender I guess I just need to put my own pic up for them on the way in. lol
October 21, 2004 at 4:11 am #70171OreoMemberQuote:quote:Originally posted by detn8rI’m sorry, but what the hell is a Governator? Are you sure you don’t mean Governor?
Oh, and who ever can take a 3 minute sh** needs help. 😀
Governator=exterminator=AARNOLD
As for the rest of your post…haven’t you ever just eaten the WRONG thing….3 minutes can seem like too long in a case like that! 😉
October 21, 2004 at 4:43 am #70170detn8rParticipantahhh… nator… = funny. Gotcha 😉
And I ment 3 minutes = not long enough 😉
October 21, 2004 at 4:52 am #70174SpikeMemberHmm…do I hear an odd resemblence? ‘nator — n8r?’ Hmm…
Oh, and…ahem…n8r…Oreo means, like, when you eat the wrong thing..you know….you really just don’t want to stay for more than 3 minutes at most…
@mdane: Make sure the picture is pixelated…
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