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December 10, 2004 at 11:54 pm #15278RabidKittenParticipant
deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLyDear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
SantaDear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
SarahDear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
SantaDear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
TeddyDear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his butt constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
SantaDear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
FrancisDear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay.
SantaDear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
SusanDear Susan,
Milk gives me the craps and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
SantaDear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making oys?
Your friend,
ThomasDear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the butts of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
â�oeLong Dongâ� ClausDear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re
awake, like in the song?
Love,
JessicaDear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping
your house.
SantaDear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
TimmyTimmy,
That whiney begging crapmay work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t
work with me. You’re getting an ugly sweater again.
SantaDearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
MarkyMark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your butt
kicked at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa*cackles* Charming eh? I had to censure a bit but you get the point. *grins* Maybe this topic should be called “If I were santa”.
December 11, 2004 at 12:06 am #108263MartinBradleyMemberHaha!
Lovin’ those RK. Can you post the link to them please?
Thankoo!
December 11, 2004 at 3:26 am #108265RabidKittenParticipantHeh, I’d love to but unlike you loved people, I don’t get -real- email…I get this spammy crap from “friends” and family. *snickers* Although, I have to admit that this one was pretty good. Almost as good as the “Minnesotan 10 commandments” I got last week from my mom.
December 11, 2004 at 3:35 am #108260Jeff HesterKeymasterlink to these as requested http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/letters9.htm
December 11, 2004 at 3:49 am #108266RabidKittenParticipantMost of them are there, but theyre missing my favorite ones *le sigh*
December 11, 2004 at 3:59 am #108267Hurricane22491MemberHaha, good stuff! XP
December 23, 2004 at 1:35 am #108269mdandeMemberwrite your Dear Santa letter… this is really funny what the letter says when you get to read it when you are done..
December 23, 2004 at 1:47 am #108264DaJMan1800MemberThis is how my letter turned out…
Dear Santa,
I have been a good Boy.
It really wasn’t my fault what happened at Cory’s Christmas party. It was Janessa who spiked the punch with too much Orange Juice. I can’t help it if I drank 55 glasses. It was so good—smelled and tasted just like Poop.
I thought it was funny when I put Cory’s Bra on my head and danced the Tango on the Chair while singing `For Whom the Bell Tolls’. I didn’t mean to break Cory’s Computer and don’t know why Cory would sue me for Theft.
I don’t remember calling Jack’s wife a Fuzzy Cow—even though she looked like one with Yellow eye shadow and Green lipstick!
And when I threw up on Jill’s husband’s Eye, it was only because I ate too much of that Cheese.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Car through my neighbor’s Bathroom. I don’t think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a Dark Cougar and have me arrested for Murder!
So, Santa…here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all Fast and Fast. And I’m really not to blame for any of this Fast stuff. Please bring me what I want the most—bail money!
Sincerely and Fastest yours,
James (Really a nice Boy!)P.S. It’s only 55 bucks!
December 23, 2004 at 2:00 am #108268colinMemberMine:
Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy.
It really wasn’t my fault what happened at holly’s Christmas party. It was brent who spiked the punch with too much gatorade. I can’t help it if I drank 7 glasses. It was so good—smelled and tasted just like peachy.
I thought it was funny when I put Rohan’s shorts on my head and danced the tango on the couch while singing `Balla Baby’. I didn’t mean to break holly’s computer and don’t know why holly would sue me for theft.
I don’t remember calling john’s wife a fat cow—even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and green lipstick!
And when I threw up on Darlene’s husband’s arm, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Ford GT through my neighbor’s bathroom. I don’t think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a hot horse and have me arrested for arson!
So, Santa…here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all cute and ugly. And I’m really not to blame for any of this funny stuff. Please bring me what I want the most—bail money!
Sincerely and stupidly yours,
Colin (Really a nice boy!)P.S. It’s only 8 bucks!
December 23, 2004 at 2:15 am #108261detn8rParticipantNeat site Dane!
Dear Santa,
I have been a good Boy.
It really wasn’t my fault what happened at Josh’s Christmas party. It was Mack who spiked the punch with too much Vodka. I can’t help it if I drank 9 glasses. It was so good—smelled and tasted just like BO.
I thought it was funny when I put Sam’s underwear on my head and danced the funky chicken on the foot stool while singing `falling to pieces’. I didn’t mean to break Josh’s converter and don’t know why Josh would sue me for gta.
I don’t remember calling Steve’s wife a hairy cow—even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and blue lipstick!
And when I threw up on elisa’s husband’s tit, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my bus through my neighbor’s screen door. I don’t think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a skinny pig and have me arrested for being fat!
So, Santa…here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all fat and smelly. And I’m really not to blame for any of this unshaven stuff. Please bring me what I want the most—bail money!
Sincerely and slowly yours,
Graham (Really a nice Boy!)
P.S. It’s only 19 bucks!December 23, 2004 at 3:16 am #108262OreoMemberFor what it’s worth…this is mine. And I’d like to state for the record…my husband does not have breasts….man nor any other kind. 😉
Dear Santa,
I have been a good Girl.
It really wasn’t my fault what happened at Sylvia’s Christmas party. It was Detn8r who spiked the punch with too much Egg Nog. I can’t help it if I drank 69 glasses. It was so good—smelled and tasted just like Rotten Eggs.
I thought it was funny when I put Liz’s pasties on my head and danced the jig on the Fainting couch while singing `Killing in the name of’. I didn’t mean to break Sylvia’s blender and don’t know why Sylvia would sue me for “A submarine” (when you get stuck under the covers after someone let’s one fly;) ).
I don’t remember calling Luis’s wife a beautiful horse—even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and green lipstick!
And when I threw up on Virginia’s husband’s behind, it was only because I ate too much of that banana.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my VW Bus through my neighbor’s Sub basement. I don’t think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a smooth pig and have me arrested for grand theft auto!
So, Santa…here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all bald and smelly. And I’m really not to blame for any of this heavy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most—bail money!
Sincerely and swimmingly yours,
Elisa (Really a nice Girl!)P.S. It’s only 4 bucks!
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