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July 1, 2003 at 7:19 pm #12970DavidParticipant
Q: How many Programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that’s a hardware issue.Q: Can I download the Internet?
A: www.w3schools.com/images/downloadwww.gifJuly 4, 2003 at 10:13 am #94035DJHyperbyteMember“Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)”
“It said, “”Insert disk #3,”” but only two will fit!”
“If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?”
“Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
“My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.”
“A computer scientist is someone who, when told to “Go to Hell,” sees the “go to,” rather than the destination, as harmful.”
“Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX.”
July 7, 2003 at 3:00 am #94038WYSIWYG7MemberQ: How can you tell the difference between an amateur and a professional programmer?
A: An amatuer thinks there’s 1000 bytes in a kilobyte, and a professional thinks there’s 1024 meters in a kilometer
July 8, 2003 at 11:48 am #94039deepthoughtMemberAin’t technology grand? 😀
There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant’s face appears. He asks her, “Mary, what time is it?” Mary answers instantly with a smile. The questioner is
thoroughly impressed!!!
He asks, “What kind of a watch is that?”
“It’s like a TV with two-way real-time communication,” the gentleman explains.
He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel’s brand new 1024-bit chip with processor speed of 1000 Gigahertz.
The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to now if he could buy this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a price and the cash was
handed immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it over and then walks away.
The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, “Sir, you forgot your suitcases.”
The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, “No! They are yours now. They are the modems you need for your new watch.”July 8, 2003 at 11:49 am #94037coolguyj2MemberHotel and wife
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,
but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
$350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth
$350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on
speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man and then explains
the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were
available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have
taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “The best
entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” explains
the manager.No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we
didn’t use it!” The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is
surprised when he looks at the check. “But sir,” he says, “this check is
only made out for $100.” “That’s right,” says the man. “I charged you $250
for sleeping with my wife.”“But I didn’t!” exclaims the manager.”Well,” the man replies, “she was here,
and you could have.”July 8, 2003 at 11:54 am #94036coolguyj2Memberfor the following joke, I advise kids not to read it
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off!”
“Oh yeah? What happened?” asked the bartender politely.
“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home, and we stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door.
So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!
“Gee, that’s tough!” commiserated the bartender.
“Right, but that’s not what really got me aggravated,” the customer went on. “When her husband came into the room he said ‘Hey great! You’re naked already! Let me just take a leak’.
And damned if the lazy ass**** didn’t piss out the window right onto my head? “Yeech!” the bartender shook his head.
“No wonder you’re in a lousy mood.”
“Yeah, but I haven’t told you what really really got to me.” Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? “My damned forehead!”
“Damn, that really is a drag!” says the bartender.
“Oh, I’m not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to make a dump. Turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!”
The bartender paled. “That would sure mess up my day.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, the fellow rattled on, “but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that myfeet were only SIX inches off the ground!!”
July 8, 2003 at 8:32 pm #94034FaizanMemberQuote:quote:When I looked down and saw that myfeet were only SIX inches off the ground!!LOL, nice one. One of the best one’s from the jokes you’ve been posting.
Quote:quote:for the following joke, I advise kids not to read itWhats wrong with that? It isn’t that dirty. Its alright for over 12s! And guess what? I’m over twelve! nearly 15 now! 🙂
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