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A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29”.
“I am actually 47!” This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”
Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was in line behind you at McDonalds.”
goes the other way too…. this is the one i’ve heard more:
Quote:quote:A woman has a face lift, and on the way back to her first day of work, after recuperating; She stops at a gas station. She asks the clerk..”How old do you think I am”. The clerk squints his eyes and studies her closely and replies…”32-33 years old”? The woman replies…”I am 47 years old”. The clerk tells her, that is unbelievable.She leaves, and decides to stop at a McDonalds restaurant. There she asks a teen, behind the counter…”How old do you think I am”. The teen squints his eyes and studies her closely and replies…”33-34 years old”? The woman replies…”I am 47 years old”. The teen tells her, that she doesn’t look any where near that old.
As the woman enters the elevator at the building she works at, she notices that the only two people on the elevator, herself and a man. She asks the man… “How old do you think I am”. The man replies that he can tell the age of any woman, by holding her breast in his hand. The Woman thinks to herself,…Its just the two of us on the elevator, and then tells the man to go for it. He slips his hand into her blouse, looks her in the eye and says…”You are 47 years old”. The woman replies…”that is absolutely unbelievable. Are you some kind of Physic”?
The man replies…”No, …I was in line behind you at McDonalds.”
brilliant, but unlikely
Tiger Blade’s version made a hell of alot more sense to me. Now I understand that the ‘correct guesser’ already knew the age ahead of time, and was just trying to ‘cop a feel’. In detn8r’s version, I was like, ‘what the hell does an 85 yr old woman care to put her hands down a man’s pants? And then when she says she was on line at mcdonalds I was like “okay? do did she smell his fart and can tell he just had a big mac, I don’t get it.” When it’s an 85 year old hag, it’s hard to come up with the sexual reference. Just my 2 cents.
they are BOTH quite funny, because they go both ways. they both made sense the -first- time I read them, there was absolutely no confusin :-p very funny indeed, plus imagine if that really happened? people these days…ya would think that could happen!
-quiksilver-Ya…having an 85 year old woman’s hand down your pants at a bus stop for 10 minutes must make you feel real comfortable around the other people there. 😉
yeah…heh…the lady one was in the -elevator- the guy one was in -public- ouch…the one thinking that one up wasn’t too smart, but all the more funny eh? when you make up funny stuff, ya gotsta be random…totally random…like looket that squirrel chasing the banana down the road! its got a gun!
-quiksilver-Right. And how long do you think the 85 year old woman has waited to a hold a man’s genitals hmmm? Use your imagination people. Think out side the box.
Seriously…just cause they’re women doesn’t mean they aren’t perverted too! Just look at me for crying out loud!
I never meant this too be a male-female issue. It was more an issue of an 85 year old person, period. If the joke said it was a 30 something yr old woman sticking her hands down the dude’s pants, then ok, I get it. But when it mentioned 85, sexuality was the last thing on my mind. I’m as much a perv as the next guy, just ask my girlfriend lol, but the thought of an 85 yr old grandma or grandpa doing something perverted actually grosses me out.
Well, I thoght it was funny, and I also got it the first time. Yeah, that would be pretty disturbing, though, in public…
umm, I hv heard about a similar joke.. but its nothing about guessin age but something else with make ups and stuff..
One old very very religious lady was crossing the street and then a bus jumpd the red lights and boom.. she was dead. She reachd heaven and she complained Jesus about why she did so soon? She was only 60 years old. Jeses felt bad and knowing that she was quite religious Jesus said “Ok Amanda. I am sorry. U can go back to your earth. and yeah u can ask me for a boon too coz am actualy pleased with your devotion.” The old lady thought for 5 seconds and asked Jesus to give her one more and last life to stay alive on earth till 100 years of age. Jesus smiled and at the same time, the lady opened her eyes in the hospital.. Miracle took place after all. Immediately after that she went to a beauty parlor and then had a face lift, styled her hair and did all kinds of make up to look like a 17 year old girl. After the face lift n liposuction, she was again crossing the street and again a bus jumped the red light and again BOOM!!!.. she was dead again.. This time she comes to the heaven quite angrily and complains Jesus, “Whats up with u? Why do u kill me again n again? u just said that I will live another 40 years.” This time Jesus was confused. And then He said “Oh no.. Is it u again Amanda? Sorry, I didnt recognize u. I thought it was some one else ;)”
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