October 11, 2004 at 11:12 pm #2040SpikeMember
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, “I'm Stupid”. That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, “Excuse me…oops…never mind, didn't see your sign.”
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?” “Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.”
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol'stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, “Hey, y'all catch all them fish?” “Nope. Talked them into giving up. Here's your sign.”
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. “Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good… They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you.” “Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it.”
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, “Tire go flat?” I couldn't resist. I said, “Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.”
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, “Darn that's hot!” See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning…okay…no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign…until he asked, “So, is your truck stuck?” couldn't help myself! looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, “No, I'm delivering a bridge… here's your sign.
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, “Are you still here?” I replied, “No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign.”
If you know any more parts, or make funny ones up, post them.October 11, 2004 at 11:31 pm #36809QuiksilverMember
In my away message, it says that I am at the movies. I come back and see a message. It says why are you away? I respond: Read the away message, and heres your sign.
thats all for now spike, ill be sure to come back with more! I have incredibly stupid friends sometimes!
-quiksilver-October 12, 2004 at 6:06 am #36804TigerbladeParticipant
gotta love bill engvall. yeah I get stuff like that all the time… guys across the hall from me were cleaning out their room, got some garbage bags sitting around. one of them grabs one of them, says “hey what's this?” his roommate, without missing a beat, responds, “its your birthday present. here's your sign”October 12, 2004 at 6:32 am #36806RabidKittenParticipant
As long as you don't start quoting larry the cable guy…I hate him…Get are Dun, what the crap is that crap?! It's crap! Ugh…what a moron. I listened to some of his act and seriously, the man needs to be tarred and feathered.
Now Stephen Lynch…you can quote him all you want.October 12, 2004 at 7:06 am #36805TigerbladeParticipantQuote:quote:Her horse got a broken leg and I had to shoot it. So now it's got a broken leg and a gunshot wound…… I don't know what you shoot it for. I guess it helps the healing process. If it ain't better tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot it again, I'll tell you that right now.
ah redneck comedy. get err dun!!October 12, 2004 at 8:46 am #36810sarahtownyMember
Well at work we have recently taken someone on, yesterday she came up to me with a letter with FAO Sarah T on it. What did she say, yes you guessed it. Sarah is this yours, my answer was no it belongs to the other Sarah T. Here's your sign.
Last week I asked for the cellar keys, (old files are kept in there) and she said “oh are you going in the cellar”, no I said I just like holding the keys, here's your sign…October 12, 2004 at 8:48 pm #36808neo_ny_23Member
well I dont know where I saw those quotes, perhaps some one emailed me ages ago.. but there were something like this:
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia…..why don't you
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating,insensitive lout…it's
just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or not and you thought I was sleeping ?
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding……
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk
and now it's in flames!!!October 23, 2004 at 5:57 am #36807QwertyMember
The one I ahte is when you get a haircut and p[eople walk up to you and somehow feel they need to inform youOctober 25, 2004 at 1:42 am #36803OreoMember
Those are all basically like Mad Magzine[/b]‘s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” If you get a chance, check those out…there's nothing better than good MAD[/b]
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