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Why Men are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO t-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental — $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood — all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45
minutes.No wonder men are happier!!!
Quote:quote:Originally posted by amy_d_gWhy Men are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
So?
The garage is all yours.
You want it? Take it!
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
And you can’t?
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO t-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
Uh, okay…
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
Suck it up!
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Then learn how to use a tool? It’s not like we didn’t learn.
Same work, more pay.
I doubt it, If you are doing the same job and getting less, complain.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental — $100.
So rent the dress somewhere? Or sell it afterwords.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
Slap them?
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Nobody is stopping you.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood — all the time.
Only a fool would think that.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Time management, maybe you should learn?
You know stuff about tanks.
What ‘tanks’?
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We aren’t foolish.
You can open all your own jars.
So? Workout?
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
And s/he can’t be yours?
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
We don’t need anything fancy.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
So? Why can’t you?
You only have to shave your face and neck.
Yes, but every day.
You can play with toys all your life.
Again, you can’t?
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
Yep, you could do the same
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45
minutes.
Time management.No wonder men are happier!!!
And I wonder why I can’t get girls…
i like this one:
You know stuff about tanks.
if she means like army tanks, then I dont know anything about them, not more than you anyways. did you make this whole like up or did you get it from a site/email? everything else is mainly true, even though you could also do most of those things, and whose stopping you from being president?i’ll fill in the ones David missed….
Quote:quote:Originally posted by David
Why Men are Just Happier PeopleWhat do you expect from such simple creatures?
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Well that’s cause girls have had the thing planned out since they were three years old.
Chocolate is just another snack.
Just like anything else. I don’t see why it’s any different for girls.
You can never be pregnant.
Obviously you never saw “Junior”.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
So can you. You just choose not to. I can guarantee there would be no complaints.
You can wear NO t-shirt to a water park.
See above response.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Not necessarily, but if more women took any time to figure out anything about cars they’d tell y’all the truth too.
The world is your urinal.
Uh, okay…
Okay that’s disgusting, we’re men, not dogs. Faint distinction, but still.
Wrinkles add character.
Mostly cause we just dont care about wrinkles
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
Slap them?
Hey, it’s a compliment. Take it as one
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Why buy them if they do??
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We aren’t foolish.
You could do the same thing, except for the suitcase full of shoes, the suitcase full of makeup, etc…
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Believe it or not, so do you. If you don’t, find a new guy who cares. I’m available.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
And s/he can’t be yours?
It’s that big a deal?? Whoa, priorities, people.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Why would you ever need more than that?? especially when most of your shoes are identical except for the color???
You almost never have strap problems in public.
We have our own problems, non-strap related
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
No, we see them, we just dont care
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You don’t need makeup. Really. Honest.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
Yes, but every day.
You don’t have to shave across your carotid artery every time.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
Some of us manage to avoid the belly. And the hips. So can you.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
No one’s stopping you.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
We dont see a need to “do” our nails…. that’s called cleaning.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Yeah, well… um… yeah i’ve got nothing on this one.No wonder men are happier!!!
sadly I have to second dave’s comment, “And I wonder why I can’t get girls…”
Quote:quote:Originally posted by amy_d_gWhy Men are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
You think I’m changing mine? PFFT!
The garage is all yours.
Who wants a garage?
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Wedding? It’s called “calling mother” They live for that crap
Chocolate is just another snack.
…chocolate is NEVER just a snack…
You can be president.
Behind every man stands a great woman. Ever wonder why there were no single presidents?
You can never be pregnant.
…you got me there. Lucky bastards
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
I have before, it was GREAT
You can wear NO t-shirt to a water park.
…heh…once again I have before
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Who wants the truth, just fix the thing.
The world is your urinal.
…I wish I had one of those…That would be awesome
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
Pfft, grow a set and use it anyway. Hover, honey.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Hah, you obviously don’t know my father.
Same work, more pay.
…bah.
Wrinkles add character.
pfft, who wants a man who looks like a pug!
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental — $100.
Thats because we don’t rent the crap. Who needs one anyway
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
Heh, unless they’re yummy.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Yeah, but you get hardcore props if you do it and you’re a chick
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
*blink* What shoes do -you- wear?!
One mood — all the time.
Yeah; Stupid
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
So are mine if I do them right.
You know stuff about tanks.
They’re hardcore, what more do you need to know?
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
…What the hell do you women pack!? *looks at her carryon*
You can open all your own jars.
At least it’s cute when we ask, it’s pathetic if they have to.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Pfft, like hell.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
I’m utterly confused by this.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Yeah! That sucks! Course I look better in my underwear than they do anyway
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
*looks at her three pairs* Sandles, heals, sneakers…
You almost never have strap problems in public.
Who cares, they have “readjusting” problems
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Unfortunately true…it’s embarasing.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
…what?
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
So does mine, straight and easy.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
Yeah but it hurts em.
You can play with toys all your life.
Pfft, look at me *holds out her game boy*
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
*tilt* …thats a good thing??
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
*looks at her wallet* …and?
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
Who likes shorts, skirts I say
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
*stops chewing her nails long enough to respond*
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
What woman would want the choice in the positive?
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45
minutes.
Ditto, they’re called gift cards.No wonder men are happier!!!
Whatever happened to the menses argument!?! *sigh* How depressing.
Quote:quote:
And I wonder why I can’t get girls…well this is where my expertise is….. I can actually help you out for once…. which is kinda odd since your always helping me.
Quote:quote:Originally posted by Tigerblade
You can never be pregnant.
Obviously you never saw “Junior”.😀 Ha, ha, ha, ha…oh, you made me laugh. That is such a good comeback! My hat goes off to you on that one man.
Quote:quote:Originally posted by RabidKittenYou can be president.
Behind every man stands a great woman. Ever wonder why there were no single presidents?Actually, James Buchanan (President of the United States from 1857 to 1861) was single – never married. 🙂
Quote:quote:Originally posted by BrianQuote:quote:Originally posted by RabidKittenYou can be president.
Behind every man stands a great woman. Ever wonder why there were no single presidents?Actually, James Buchanan (President of the United States from 1857 to 1861) was single – never married. 🙂
James Buchanan = Old Skool Playa
Quote:quote:Originally posted by RabidKitten
Whatever happened to the menses argument!?! *sigh* How depressing.Yeah, totally. Come on girls, that is our strongest argument! Good thing RK remembered, that should be number one on the list!
a few good ones I found… and just to protect myself on this one, NO I did NOT write these myself:
Quote:quote:Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.No further testing is planned.
Quote:quote:COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.Quote:quote:”Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.” ~Oscar Wilde*blank stare* …screw buchanan…somehow I knew that was going to come back and bite me in the butt. Ah well no matter…I can still sit back and laugh at ys’s attempts at “lady advice”. Ah, consolement is good.
As if I’m not sexist enough, here is a few more jokes….:
Women
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don’t, you are not a manIf you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don’t, you are good for nothingIf you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don’t, you are not understandingIf you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossingIf you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don’t, you are a dull boyIf you are jealous, she says it’s bad
If you aren’t, she thinks you do not love herIf you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like herIf you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s wayIf you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality time”
If she is visited by another woman, “oh it’s natural, we are girls”If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantageIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiringIf you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talkWe need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
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