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The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
The greatest lies of all time:
I love you
This won’t hurt a bit
The cheque’s in the mail
I was just going to call you
Of course I’ll respect you in the morning
We have a really challenging assignment for you
I’m from the government, and I’m here to help youThe most common form of marriage proposal:
“YOU’RE WHAT!?”Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Anyone else have any good ones??? :0)
Well… not necessarily “funny,” but some of my favorites are:
“Every facet, every department of your mind, is to be programmed by you. And unless you assume your rightful responsibility, and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you.”
-The Crystal Method – ‘Cake Hole’ (from Community Service Vol II)“A thinking man’s only relief is insanity.”
-Me.“I’m sorry, that section of my brain appears to be write-protected.”
-Etanisla of CarelessThought.comand yeah, bash is good, occasionally.
sarahtowny wrote:I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.Hee, I like that one :p
Well my favorite is in my signature space, but I like this one as well:
“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.”
-Golda MeirThe greatest lies of all time:
I love you
This won’t hurt a bit
The cheque’s in the mail
I was just going to call you
Of course I’ll respect you in the morning
We have a really challenging assignment for you
I’m from the government, and I’m here to help youBut Officer, I only had 3 beers! :p
“This is a one-time mailing. If you do not respond, you will recieve no further mailings from us.” 😀A roommate of mine used to say: “I like sweats (as in sweat shirts, sweat pants, etc…) it’s like being naked only with clothes on”
MrEggsalad wrote:Heh, my health teacher had a pretty good one.“When in doubt, just shut up!”HAHAHAHAHA!
Quote:There are 2 secrets to follow if you want to live a succesfull life
Rule #1: Don’t tell all ur secretsand yes… its from bash.
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