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hi… im writing this while crying a bit, so sorry for any spelling or whatever mistakes…
about nine months ago a met someone online, who also lives in europe (not too far away from me also). she always seemed like a very warm and happy person, so i started to like her a bit more than the average friend, even thoguh she had a b/f. anyway we decided it would be cool to meet eachother, just for fun. but there was a problem, because she had to go to america, for her work. we kept contact, even talked on the phone a lot, etc… we decided we could meet in the beginning of this year, when she got back. meanwhile i started to like her a lot, because she was always a good friend to me.
but a few weeks before she was supposed to go back to europe she met some guy who she liked a lot. she even cheated on her b/f with him! and then she had to go back. she broke up with her b/f. anyway, we were supposed to meet… but because she just moved out of her b/f’s house, she didn’t have money. i offered her money for the trip or even said i could fly over there, but she didn’t have free days.
now a week ago she told me that the guy who she met in america is coming to visit and she even took some free time for him! time which she didn’t want to make for me!
so i was pissed and i called her, but she said it was all my fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it… she said that i was being unrealistic about it and that it shouldn’t mean so much to me…
well, it does… i want to know if that’s really wrong of me? i mean, she means (or meant, i guess) a lot to me as a friend, but she just left me standing after nine months of talking about meeting eachother.
now of course i see the other guy simply means more to her, but is it fair to just leave me standing because of that? am i really being unrealistic about it and am i just making a big deal out of it while i shouldn’t?
im not sure what to do… i guess i could say goodbye to her for good and try to forget about her, or maybe i should keep hoping hse’ll come visit. please give me some advice, id ont really know what to do…
bye and thanks
On line relationships especially long distant are a no no, its easy to feel close to someone on line especially if you talk alot, but as in feel love I don’t think you should even go there. Friends yes but anything else is just not worth it. Gosh its hard enough having a relationship with someone who you see every day or whatever but on line impossible. But thats my view. Your best way is to go out meet someone who lives close by. By the sound of it she is messing you about anyway. You know that by your words you just need to work it out in your head and you will see you are best moving on with hopefully someone who wants to be with you as much as you want them! Just take some time out from her for a while and see how you feel …
hi sarah, thanks for your reply!
but this is not about me wanting a relationship or not. i know thats not something to go for when you only know someone from the internet. i just didnt expect her to leave me standing after talking about meeting for so long. maybe i am making a too big deal about it and its just normal for a girl to do that when she meets someone nicer?
i just didnt expect her to say ‘no’ to meeting eachother after such a long time……….
It could be you wereputting too much importance on this meeting and you freaked her out. Besides….why would you want some one who is so willing to cheat on her boyfriend and take up with another guy just before she leaves another place? It sounds like she does not know what she wants and that you need to move on. Also, sometimes you have to try less to get more. Maybe, also, she just wanted to meet you as a friend and you made it somewhat clear that you wanted to meet because you were interested and she decided meeting you would be too uncomfortable. In any case, the rare occasions when meeting some one online work…it means they were meant to be together….otherwise things are just not going to work out. Try to find some one who is better at keeping her word and more faithful to some one she loves.
If she loves some guy she’d do anything for him and if you’re not that guy then be cool about it she is not the last nice compatible girl you’ll find on earth stay friends with her but dont get involved in her though I agree its beyond your control but whatever you’re going to put in your mind thats going to come out. So from today onwards I think you should really see her as a friend and be happy for her if she prefers not to meet you for the sake of both of you or her new relationship or what so ever.
Looks to me that your interest is not purely friendship. When you have a friend, you understand if they fall in love with someone and long to spend time with them. Maybe, as Oreo said, she got scared of your obsession towards her and your meeting. On the other hand, maybe she has other reasons…because we don´t know her side of the story.
I am not critical with cheating, because there are all kinds of situations that we cannot judge from the outside and that can motivate somebody cheating. I did it myself and guys did it to me too, sometimes just reflects how bad the relationship goes and that you need to break up as soon as possible. I don´t think she is better or worse because of that, and I don´t see how that detail could be relevant to your story.
It is hard to judge knowing only one side of the story, but I think you should admit the fact that she is in love and that she wants to be with the guy who she loves. If you cannot understand that, then, to me, you are not a real friend.
N.-
sarahtowny wrote:On line relationships especially long distant are a no no, its easy to feel close to someone on line especially if you talk alot, but as in feel love I don’t think you should even go there. Friends yes but anything else is just not worth it.Generally speaking I agree, but a recent study found that people are increasingly successful in finding love online. It can happen, but in some cases, the gap between the virtual and the real world may be too wide to bridge… for any of the excellent reasons already shared above.Hi there Jaclo…well my two cents worth is this…many relationships have been successful from meeting online. I have personal friends and even relatives who have done so. That being said…my opinion is that your friend has found love and you should continue to be a friend if you can and move on. Someone near you or from a distance is waiting…:)
I say just forget about her.. 3 reasons:
1) She seems superficial
2) She cheats(what’s gonna stop her from doing this to you if you got together?)
3) She doesn’t look like she’d take responsibility for anythingFind a better woman 😀
EEDOX, it is always surprising to me, how you judge people that you dont even know based on facts that you don´t know..oh well..let me practice that:
1. You are superficial because you judge people you don´t know at all.
2. You are a freak with no life cause you spend your time posting at online forums (hehehe).
3. mmm…and you are an egocentric ignorant for defining people as “better” or “worse”…Hopefully I didnt get any of the above right…but i did exactly the same as you did.
Natalia.-
Do you take me as an illiterate.. I will justify where I found what I posted based on the original post in reverse order:
3) “she said it was all my fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it”
2) “she even cheated on her b/f with him!”
1) Not directly said but implied by the other 2 reasons.
An old proverb:
“Trust not a man who has betrayed his master nor take him into your own service, lest he betray you too.”
it applies to women as well.Considering this person who started the thread has fallen off the face of the site since he posted, he probably got the picture. We don’t know the woman’s side of the story…so as Science has mentioned…in all fairness it is not our place to judge. All we can really do is judge for ourselves. Maybe you and I do not see the sense in cheating on some one EEDOK, but, at least for me, that’s because I was cheated on HEAVILY and REPEATEDLY by a guy a LONG time ago. Ever since I discovered him cheating I made a vow to NEVER put some one through that and I have not. But, we do not know the circumstances of others. I do not agree with cheating, but then again I have ended relationships before it has gotten to that point…had I stayed in a relationship too long…I cannot say what I would do. However, if you look at the original story this JACLO person wrote, there really is not a reason for him to have put that she cheated on her boyfriend in this story he told. It is almost as if he wants us to hate her or something, when in all honesty it is none of his business. He should have kept that for himself and if it bothered him that much it should have been enough for him to say it was not a loss that she is with another guy. And as was mentioned before, if he WAS a real friend, he would have been happy for this woman and would have understood when you really love some one you clear space in a busy schedule for them. But, again, we do not know the full story because we have not lived it and one side is definitely missing from all of this.
I havn’t read anyones replys so my opinion wouldn’t be swayed.
I feel for you. I know what its like to like someone so much and feelings not returned in the same way. But she has a point to make. If you put yourself in her position and you met some guy and really really liked him and ended up being a couple. Would it be your fault if one of your friends felt more towards you then you did them?
I don’t want to sound like a dick. But **** happens. You have to lift yourself up and move on. You never know, things might not work out between the two of them. But that is nothing you should dwel on.
Old people are smart in these situations and their sayings are ironically true.
Theres pleanty more fish in the sea. Just cast out your line again and aim for the catch of the day instead of the thrill of the first fish.
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