August 13, 2006 at 8:25 am #24505Someguy03Member
The last 2 girls I have been interested in have openly told me that they would prefer not to have a relationship with me because I lack the confidence they have. They are the kind of girls who would go jump into a random crowd of people and start singing and dancing and freaking everybody out without a seconds hesitation. Let me clarify that I'm not one of those kids who goes and sits in a hole and runs away when people say Hi. Actually, most people think that I am too confident and too open, but I am nothing compared to these girls.
One very key point in me liking them is this confidence they have. It makes me more confident and crazy, which I enjoy alot. The problem is that, well, most of the time I'm not confident enough for them. And I notice that I end up almost boring them every once in awhile. Any tips on gaining more of this confidence? Maybe I should be on a dating forum, but I know we have some wise women on BBB.August 13, 2006 at 11:04 am #150613sarahtownyMember
There is a difference between being confident and having a big ego.
Maybe it's not so much that they think you are not confident but a matter of a difference in common ground. So when you talk to them, they feel you don't have not alot in common.
Personally I to am attracted to people who are confident, but not people with big egos, I actually find that quite a turn off.
I bet your bottom dollar that both these girls are not actually confident at all, and just have to act silly etc to hide this part of their personalities, ie jumping into a group of friends and showing off. That is not confidence at all just trying to prove something to people.
You stated that when you have talked to them they state your boring … so when you are in a conversation with them, try to talk about them, people generally love to talk about themselves, so aim the conversation their way. If you do, then you might actually find they don't have much to say at all and you might find them boring! They seem to be putting the emphasis on you and your personality, which other people you know find confident and fun loving.
Just be you, if they don't like it I am sure there are others that do.August 13, 2006 at 9:16 pm #150615PolarBearNPRParticipant
Ditto what Sarah (aka wise woman on BBB) just said. It's always best to just be you, especially if you're looking for more than “singing and dancing and freaking everybody out.” And it sounds like you are. In the long run, folks that you really do share common interests with make the best long term relationships whether it's a friendship or more.August 13, 2006 at 10:08 pm #150612OreoMember
There's not much I can really add here…these two basically hit that proverbial nail on the head. But I have to add, for these girls to tell you that you “bore” them is really RUDE. I cannot imagine being that rude to anyone! (This goes back to their ego thing) There's something going on with girls your age (and some older and way too many younger) that has them thinking they are Paris Hilton and deserve to be pampered and put up on a pedestal. They need a wake up call and need to realise even Paris does not deserve to be pampered nor put up on a pedestal. Do not try to be something you are not…from what I've seen here…you have your head firmly on your shoulders, which is an unusual thing for people your age. (At least as of late it is unusual). What you'll find as you get closer and closer to the time you go away to school…is there will be others who will suddenly grow up. Once you go away to school, you will realise there are other people who are there who are like you. And believe me on this one, there will be some really hot ones, who like you for you. So, just do your own thing, keep your confidence and remember….You cannot help who you like, but sometimes those you like are not as they seem.August 14, 2006 at 5:59 pm #150614Tea GrannyMember
People who are truly confident don't need to insult anyone to get their point across. True confidence comes from ability and intelligence, not from bullying or showing off.
It sounds like you are attracted to a pair of “show offs,” not two confident girls.
Never, ever, change yourself for someone who doesn't like you to begin with. Once you start changing for them, the cycle will never end. They will find something else about you that needs changing, then you'll change that, then they will find something else… it will become a “game” to them. They will want to see how many hoops you can jump through for them.
If you want to do a “dating forum,” then do it for yourself not because you think it will help get those girls to like you. Nothing you ever do will please people like that.
Drop the high maintenance girls, and keep looking!!! There are plenty of confident girls out there, and they will be attracted to you just the way you are. Don't give up (or give in), the right girl is out there and she won't insult you.
You will find the perfect girl, and in return she will think you are perfect too!:)
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