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April 2, 2004 at 2:18 am #4156detn8rParticipant
I had to write a poem for English about my fear, or fear in general. I tried my best. I’m no poet, and trust me I know it ๐
Can I get your two cents about what I wrote? Thanks all.
Fear
Uncontrollably trembling in fear
The shivers of death run through my body
Feeling the sweat run down my back
Getting dizzy from all this emotion
Tears falling from so far above
Flying so high and my eyes are broken
Clinched for life, holding on forever
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Uncontrollably trembling with fear
Flashes starting from beginning to end
From instant birth, to dying days
This feeling is long and never ending
Fear … it’s what controls my weaknessApril 2, 2004 at 2:28 am #47201ChelcMemberhmm I agree poetry does suck! but I think your poem was pretty good for someone who cant write poems ๐
April 2, 2004 at 4:52 am #47203Dr KimbleParticipantThat’s good dude! It has a trembling ryhthm to it…I don’t know if that was intentional, but good job ๐
I like to write poetry.
Here is one: [sorry it is long]
[Oh…and it was published..so you can’t steal it, not like anyone would anyways…]Tornado
I wipe the sweat off my forehead and pause for a moment, regaining my breath.
Cutting and chopping all day long,
I stagger to and fro to rid the field of all trees and obstructions.
A soft, cool breeze rushes to my face,
Dark, heavy clouds begin filling the sky, causing night to come early.
Small seeds twirl around in the air and sting my eyes with a sharp pain.
The winds become stronger with every minute,
I scramble inside my house for safety.Roaring bursts of wind rush past the house.
Tiny trees bend and bow in every which direction.
Leaves and twigs fill the air,
Tapping on the window glass like a thousand lead raindrops.
Torrent, violent air swirling, swelling up, spiraling toward the house,
Devouring anything in its path, drawing a line of destruction, leaving its deadly mark behind.
Sudden gusts are heard howling, hissing; antagonizing, intimidating, all instilling a deep fear within me.
Extreme force crashes against the walls, shudders rattle intensely, doors slam again and again, slamming with such an immeasurable calamity no other sounds are audible, broken glass skids across the hardwood floor.
An incredible force catapults me clear across the room,
I am overcome by darkness.I awaken to hear. . . . nothing.
A calm and peaceful demeanor is present all around me.
I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness, I try to move even though weary and bruised.
Over come with endless digging to escape darkness, I feel helpless.
A light! Pushing and squirming, pushing and squirming, I break free!
Standing where my living room once was, I see horror and atrocity as far as my sight is capable.
Once mighty trees, now jagged stalks jutting from the ground,
Power lines dangerously dangle and have become tangled in trees and shrubs,
The roof of my house is completely collapsed, and rooms are completely gone.
As I stand amidst the damage, the only thought that enters my mind is this:
My farm destroyed nature and,
Nature destroyed my farm.April 2, 2004 at 9:39 pm #47199detn8rParticipantThanks for the comments… now I have to write another one :@
April 2, 2004 at 10:48 pm #47200FaizanMemberNice one Detn8r. I usually hate poetry so much, but your poem had some really good emotions. It was short so I was bothered to read it. ๐ Sorry Dr. Kimble, I did not read yours. [:P]
I have poetry project for my english too, and I guess that will be next month, but the good thing is, I can never make my poetry even sound like it… it usually sounds like a big essay! ๐ I wish I could write something cool though.
April 2, 2004 at 11:10 pm #47202shifterMemberGreat poem Kimble, a very insightful reflection on the destructive forces of man and nature. A bit too long for the uncultured I suppose, but I appreciated it. ๐
Detn8r, I enjoyed yours as well. A great start, a little rough around the edges, but you managed to express some genuine fear. Keep it up. ๐
April 4, 2004 at 10:25 pm #47204AwesomeSauceParticipantI enjoy poems that rhyme. Ones you can get a real rhythm out of. Then you can make them into a song. ๐
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