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- This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 16 years, 5 months ago by AnnieHall.
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October 21, 2007 at 11:09 am #27830ShrekMember
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public.
The best vitamin for making friends….B1.
To me, an airplane is a great place to diet.
If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
(I liked this last one)
Source: GigglePedia
October 21, 2007 at 3:58 pm #164935Jeff HesterKeymasterShrek;224027 wrote:The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.Having been to traffic school all day yesterday (part of the cost of owning a red Mustang GT), I can vouch for this one. Almost everyone in the room considered themselves to be an above average driver. Ironic, since they all were ticketed, eh?
October 21, 2007 at 4:02 pm #164936FanaticMember@Shrek 224027 wrote:
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.[/quote]So true!!!
@Shrek 224027 wrote:A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.[/quote]Good to remember, especially when choosing friends.
October 22, 2007 at 12:40 am #164937MrOatsMemberShrek wrote:The best vitamin for making friends….B1.Heh, that’s a good one. 🙂
October 22, 2007 at 8:39 pm #164938PolarBearNPRParticipantI can put a name or situation to each one of those, but I won’t :p
And I really like the way this one is worded.
Shrek;224027 wrote:If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.Good stuff there, Shrek!
October 30, 2007 at 4:02 am #164940AnnieHallParticipantJeff;224035 wrote:Having been to traffic school all day yesterday (part of the cost of owning a red Mustang GT), I can vouch for this one. Almost everyone in the room considered themselves to be an above average driver. Ironic, since they all were ticketed, eh?====@:cool:@>I use to teach comedy defensive driving. I swear I was the living embodiment of “Those who can’t do, teach”. Well, … I had taken the course so many times, I had a masters degree …. they had to let me teach. LOL!I swear I once got a ticket on my way to teach a class. The cop didn’t think it was funny at all.:rolleyes: Then there was the time I totalled two cars … my fault, oops. While the cop was writing my ticket for failure to yield the right of way, the tow truck pulls up, the driver gets out and says “Hey … don’t you teach defensive driving? … Yeah! … I was in your class!” Now the cop is laugh his ass off and teasing me. “Is that your only job? .. Anything else you’re good at?!?” It’s real easy to be funny when your armed.I have had every kind of car trouble imaginable including 3 car fires. The most important lesson I learned from the 1st one … if your car is on fire, …. NEVER pull into a gas station!:oBut I think my finest moment involved a drunk driving incident. I am the only person I know who ever hit a drunk driver.
Totally my fault … I had an open lipstick container in my hand. (there oughta be a law!) I know, I know … I am the woman driver that gave the rest a bad rep and for that I do apologize. I also feel kinda bad for ruining this poor guys buzz.He was sitting at a red light, minding his own business, probably thinkin’ to himself, “I’m doin’ good …. I’m almost home …. I’m gonna make it.” ….
BAM!!!
I never saw him. I hit him at 45 mph without ever hittin’ my brakes. I felt the impact, looked up and just saw him projectiled down the street. And with impeccable comedic timing, just as I hit him, …. the light turned green! I bet he thought “Damn!!! Impatient woman!!!!” Well GO! LOL!
Now, I hit him at 45 mph ….. I was driving a Dodge Shadow (which I have to say is a fine automobile, it’s just a real bitch to find in the dark. BA-DA BING!!!) My worthy opponent, however, was in a 1972 Ford LTD. Yep ….. he won. He had a cracked tail light …. that was it. My entire front end was nothin but a trail of kindling all down the road.
Thank God I was wearing my seatbelt …………
I didn’t even smear my lipstick!!!!Well, needless to say, after sharing these tales, all my students would leave my class feeling good about their cars, really good about their driving skills and really, really good about the 5 minute head start I would give them out of the parking lot!!:woot:
Now aren’t you all glad you live elsewhere?:p
November 7, 2007 at 10:52 am #164939ShrekMemberWhen I was born I was so surprised, I couldn’t talk for a year and a half.
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting to get into the bathroom.
Only drug dealers and software companies call their customers ‘users’.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Would you like to hear the pencil joke? Well, it’s pointless.
November 9, 2007 at 11:50 am #164941AnnieHallParticipantI grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting to get into the bathroom.
I always thought that’s how country and western line dancing got started.:rolleyes:
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