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August 24, 2004 at 5:54 pm #8806Jeff HesterKeymaster
A friend from work sent this to me. I usually click “delete” but some of these ring true.
We always hear “the rules” from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1”
ON PURPOSE!1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine…Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
August 24, 2004 at 6:05 pm #73487BrianMemberLOL! Most above are so true!
We should have all make-up kits banned from all stores everywhere! I don’t understand why SOME women have to put make-ups on before going out.
August 24, 2004 at 6:18 pm #73495Red DevilMemberLOL so true! I think I was sent this a while ago but its still funny. I especially like/agree with these ones…
Quote:quote:
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
I really don’t have a clue what mauve is. 😀
August 24, 2004 at 7:27 pm #73500kyuubiMemberthese indeed ring true…they ring very very true. I like these very much. very funny. Thanks for sharing these jeff.
August 24, 2004 at 11:55 pm #73490TigerbladeParticipantits funny, I have those as a text file on my computer, and I was just reading them yesterday… yeah they’re all true, but its sad how many women dont understand them.
guys are really simple creatures, really. women are complicated, thus they think men have to be complicated too… not so.
August 25, 2004 at 12:28 am #73496Crazy PenguinMemberYep those are very good….
except the 16 colours one… I could only think of 10 with out teh colours just becoming a darker or lighter shade of another
August 25, 2004 at 12:55 am #73484magistykMemberHow funny and very true. Girls need to understand these now.
/me prints out the list.
August 25, 2004 at 2:14 am #73491TigerbladeParticipantas for the colors, like Crazy Penguin said… here’s the only real colors I can think of…
red, yellow, blue, green, orange, brown, purple, and then of course white, black, and grey. I suppose you could add colors like “tan” and “pink” but I dont really consider pink to be a real color. there’s no need for colors like “mauve,” whatever that is. I had to move a bunch of bolts of colored cloth at work a few weeks ago, so I got really familiar with weird colors like “lavender” and “fuschia”… what??August 25, 2004 at 9:52 pm #73497Crazy PenguinMemberYep tigerblade, its quite clear that these are the only real colours in existence, all the others are just not needed. I didn’t have a clue what mauve was, so I searched on google… and its purple… looks like any other purple to me, nothing special, just purple. anyway I was reading an article the other day, and apparently women see more colours than men, and some women can see 10 colours in a rainbow (which is just plain wierd, I can see 6… the seventh ever esapes me… purple.. and another purple) anyway I have come to the conclusion that there are only 10 real colours… the others just don’t exist…
August 25, 2004 at 10:05 pm #73488BrianMemberAnyone notice not one of our female members have said something in this thread? 🙂
August 26, 2004 at 3:19 pm #73501amy_d_gParticipant😀 Ok, so you guys want a female opinion of all this huh…. Men are pathetic!!! :rolleyes:
August 26, 2004 at 6:10 pm #73486tangledlisaMemberI was just exercising a “man’s technique” of letting all of this go in one ear and out the other 😀
August 26, 2004 at 6:28 pm #73499stephesmybabyMemberlol just about all of these are true with me and my girl :p
August 30, 2004 at 8:23 am #73492RabidKittenParticipantAnd here, dear men, since someone stated none of the females were responding, I figure I’m close enough to being female, so here’s the Patented Rabid Ktiten responce:
1. Men ARE not mind readers. No worries, I’ve lost that screan between my head and mouth anyway.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. …we’re supposed to put it down?…I thought that was just an extra backrest for the contour of your back, like extended arm rests on a recliner.1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Whoever threaten my Vikings pleasure time shall bare witness to my wrath.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. *Gasp* You said the “S” Word!!! *Whimper, SLAP!*
1. Crying is blackmail. So is calling your mother.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! So…just to be sure…when I throw you down on the bed and tear your clothing off with my teeth…it doesn’t work for you? And when your parents are getting annoying and I want to leave “Maybe we should let the dog out at home now” and “Well we’ve got a long day tomorrow….” doesn’t work and I should just blurt out “You’re Flippin’ stupid and I hate your parents, let’s go before I commit a double homicide and hide them in the backyard next to your mothers memorial to her cats”?1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question. Lemme try it out. “What’s for dinner” Yes. Oh yes, much better.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. …I wish I had a girlfriend…mmm
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. and a sexual excursion for 2 minutes is a problem. Do the same.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. Same goes for underwear…take the hint…change those suckers
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys. …who says I don’t… *innocent pondering look* and the second you start acting like them, I’m going to kill you and go after your brother, in true soap opera fashion.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. If you responded positively, don’t act surprised when you don’t get any for 6 months
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. and if something I said can be interpreted two ways, I meant the more perverted way.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. That’s why the gods made hot fix it men.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. And whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during load time or a disk change.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. Right, you mean the guy who thought he was in India? Yeah, that’s only a 9 thousand mile mistake. …That’s a -great- example.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Mauve? Isn’t that some place south of Puerto Rico?
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that. *shrug* Then don’t give me funny looks when I’ve shaved and I’m scratching at myself a day later. I put up with that crap for you, after all.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. And when we ask what’s wrong and you shrug and storm off the the garage, don’t expect me to follow. That place scares me.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear. If you feel insecure enough to ask a question about your “performance”, don’t expect me to sugar coat your more lackluster abilities.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine…Really. I’ll remember that when your mothers funeral comes around. *breaks out the clown suit with the butt cut out of it*
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. And don’t expect me to pretend that I’m interested.
1. You have enough clothes. Pfft, you’re the jackrabbit that keeps taking me out to play paper dolls
1. You have too many shoes. You think? *sneakers, heels, sandles, Black leather knee high heals* …well then the leather heals are going.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! You stop working out, I stop.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; The couch is mine! Back off, you get the bean bag.
August 30, 2004 at 12:22 pm #73494QwertyMemberI’m curious as to why they are all numbered “1”?
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