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- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 19 years ago by Hasan.
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April 22, 2005 at 11:37 pm #18004Someguy03Member
I had known this girl for about 3 years, and we had been good friends for awhile. It finally seemed like going out with her would be a good idea, and so I asked, but after awhile I discovered that she wasn’t open about how she felt, ever.
If something bad ever happened, did I hear about it? No. If she disagrees with me, does she say it? No.
If I ever ask her opinion on something (usually multiple times), she says she doesn’t really care; even though I end up finding out later that she does.
Does she ever get mad at me? No, she doesn’t do anything. She just holds it in. I had a talk with her about it and she told me something similar to “you don’t want to see me mad” and that “when I talk about how I feels it just makes people depressed”, so she doesn’t like to.
Now, I waited a long while, and continued hinting at the fact that she could tell me anything that was on her mind. Did she ever change? No. After awhile, I just didn’t feel close to her because she never would talk about how she felt. Maybe I am missing something, but last time I checked, part of the concept of being with someone is that they are supposed to talk to you about things and feel comfortable enough to disagree with you or express themselves.
After continuously talking to her about it and getting no where, I lost interest. I told her I wanted to go back to being friends. After we broke up, she went into a depression type thing and started looking sad all the time. People of course began asking her what was wrong, and she always told them that it was because we broke up. I made SURE that she knew we were still friends, and still talk to her.
The problem is that people keep seeing how sad she is, and then keep telling me how mean I am for breaking up with her. They keep telling me that I should have stayed with her because she was so kind and liked me so much, and that I threw a perfectly good girl away.
In my opinion, it’s wrong to stay with someone when they like you and you don’t like them back. Sure, it saves them the heartache, but it just seems stupid. I wouldn’t want to stay with someone simply because they felt bad for me. Aren’t I right? Or am I looking at this from the wrong perspective.
April 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #120034TigerbladeParticipantI’ll start with this: it’s not your fault. If she wanted to stay bottled up and never tell anything to someone who obviously cared about what she felt, that’s her issue. Even if she “liked you so much” then she should have been able to tell you what was wrong and come to you for help. In my opinion, you made the right decision. If you’ve reached a point in the relationship where you feel you just don’t care about the person like you wanted to or used to, then perhaps it’s time to end the relationship (as long as you’re not married – divorce is not the answer.)
her friends blame you for “throwing a perfectly good girl away”?? she threw herself away. she may be a perfectly good girl, but if she’s not willing to share in the relationship, then it’s her own fault. I would have done the same thing in that situation. Especially if you’ve made it clear that you do still want to maintain your friendship.
April 23, 2005 at 1:15 am #120033OreoMemberNO way are you wrong! It’s WORSE to stay with some one for “pity.” When people start getting into YOUR business (and that’s what it is). You can do a few things, tell them to f-off and mind their own damn business, or, if it’s some one you are a bit closer with you might want to say “Dude, she never talked.” It’s very HARD to have a conversation (much less a RELATIONSHIP) with some one who does not tell you how they feel…EVER. I’ll tell you, in any relationship in which one party “NEVER” expresses displeasure with something…there’s something wrong. It’s human nature. People are individuals and are going to disagree from time to time. That’s how people get to know more about each other and come to compromises. That’s not to say that it’s good to fight and disagree ALL of the time.
Anyway, if this girl was not able to share her feelings and able to allow you to see her “angry” then she was not ready for an open relationship. She may have been afraid of losing you and then by not sharing with you…she ended up pushing you away. You have to understand though…it’s MUCH harder for girls to maintain a friendship with a guy they’ve dated than for the guy to maintain a friendship with the girl. (At least in MOST cases). It’s hard to stop thinking about a guy that way (I mean as your significant other) and keep him as a friend.
The thing you have to remember is that if people start to nag on you..tell them to mind their own business and/or take care of her instead. You’ve done everything you can, if she wants people to feel sorry for her…let the nosey people give HER their pity.April 23, 2005 at 6:06 am #120035HasanMemberI think you’ve done the right thing. There’s no point in dragging a relationship which’s only source of mental stress.
I personally believe when we are close to someone we feel like sharing everything with them and if someone shares something with us, we feel important.
If she acts the way you described then I think its natural for any person to lose the touch. I’d suggest you to stay friends with her though and eventually she’ll be fine. -
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