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April 13, 2005 at 1:23 pm #17851sciencefeelingMember
So…long story short, boy meets girl or viceversa, and one of them says: “I don´t want a serious relationship”. What does that sentence mean for you?
To me, even if you can state your intention of not commitment, the truth is that events, life, fate or whatever you believe in, drags you to places far from your original intentions. I don´t see the point of describing a relationship before starting it…because, if it is not going to be serious…then why would you want to even start it?. To me, it is just a coward sentence to say before you start a reationship in order to be able to run away as soon as problems start.
What are guys thinking when they say something like that? they just want to spoil the moment? or are they purposely messing up?…you never know how anything is going to end, why ending it and its beuty before it even started?…
Sciencefeeling doesn´t understand boys and boys don´t understand Sciencefeeling.
April 13, 2005 at 2:22 pm #119319DJHyperbyteMemberI think “I don’t want a serious relationship” basically means: “I enjoy having sex with you, but I don’t enjoy the rest of you.”
In any case, if boy would love girl, he wouldn’t say something like that. He might say “I’m not yet ready for a serious relationship”, which, well, basically comes down to the same thing, but is a bit more subtile.
April 13, 2005 at 2:45 pm #119321TigerbladeParticipantto me, not being ready for a “serious relationship” means that i’m not yet ready for a long-term commitment (i.e. marriage). i’ve had relationships that got pretty serious, but i’m not ready to make any really serious long term promises yet. i’m still too young to lock myself into one path.
i dont know that its always about just sex like DJ said; true it can be that one person or the other is just looking for a more physical relationship, but not always.
April 13, 2005 at 2:56 pm #119320OreoMemberHmmm, well, guys can be REALLY annoying when they say things like this. They want to have fun. (NOT JUST SEX) Anyone who has been in any kind of healthy relationship knows that there’s more than just great sex. They want to enjoy themselves with you but they don’t want YOU to control them too much. Being serious means that often (like Tiger mentioned) there’s a possibility of marriage. Now why would a guy say this? Because he’s not mature enough for serious relationship. AND just because a guy says he might be, also does not mean that he’s ready. Sometimes, guys just want to get into a gir’s pants and say “oh yeah, this relationship means a lot to me…yeah..” then a few months later you find they’ve been cheating on you with another girl.
Guys often say “I don’t want anything serious” to cover themselves in case things go poorly and the girl, being on the other end, says “How could you suddenly just do this?” They guy can say “HEY, I told you I was not serious.” And don’t think this is a “younger” guy thing. I have a good friend who is divorced and is dating again and a guy said that to her. But as it turns out, they really, really like each other but he’s in the military and he’s not sure when he might have to be deployed. He did not tell her that right away…but you never know the underlying reasons. Perhaps the reason a guy says “nothing serious” is geographical distance or workload. And HE does not want to get too emotionally attached because “just in case” things don’t work out well in the end (because of the other forces in life) he does not want to be heartbroken.
April 13, 2005 at 2:57 pm #119317Jeff HesterKeymasterWhat DJ Hyperbyte said tends to be the case. Sometimes that’s a guy’s way of excusing himself so he can have sexual relations with a girl in the future but not be tied down emotionally. But that’s not always the case, sometimes the guy himself can just plain not want a serious relationship, just a companion, someone to hang out with and have a good time, while still maintaining the freedom of not having to call and explain where he is, or what he’s doing. In other words acting like a couple, but not really being one. I do think it is a bit cowardly to use though and I do agree with your viewpoint on how if a relationship starts to dwindle, the guy can say “I told you I didn’t want a serious relationship”. It’s a sorry excuse.
As a guy advising a girl, don’t date a guy that tells you that if you are expecting the relationship to go far up to the possible point of a marriage. Yes a guy can change while in the actual relationship, but why commit yourself to someone who’s already insecure and off to a bad start. I myself prefer to be straight out to a girl if she is interested in me and I am just interested in “the other thing”, which has gotten me slapped at times, but at I’m glad I didn’t toy with them. If I wanted a serious relationship, I would commit myself fully to one, without excusing myself before the actual relationship begins.
EDIT: My apoligies if anything I said has already been stated. Two people got ahead of me as I was typing this.
April 13, 2005 at 6:44 pm #119327gossipingraeMember“Serious” to me is long-term, i.e. longer than 6 months. I agree with MG, when he says that guys who don’t want anything serious, why get involved in the first place? I know it’s hard, but you gotta move on.
I think…actually, I KNOW, that coming from a woman’s POV, we are emotional and get attached too easily. Sometimes, it’s better to just have a relationship that’s “not serious.”
Personally, since I’m in college, I enjoy seeing a few guys at a time. You know, hang out with them a few times and see what we have in common.
And it’s always good to have the occasional “friends with benefits,” just as long as the other party isn’t getting too attached. 😉
April 13, 2005 at 8:29 pm #119322TigerbladeParticipantgossipingrae wrote:“Serious” to me is long-term, i.e. longer than 6 months. I agree with MG, when he says that guys who don’t want anything serious, why get involved in the first place? I know it’s hard, but you gotta move on.the idea is that at the moment you dont want to commit yourself to something… as time goes on and the relationship deepens, priorities and commitments may change. if you never start something because you dont know how it might turn out… well then you may as well just curl up into a ball and never interact with anyone or anything ever again.April 14, 2005 at 2:32 am #119328m3rcyMemberI agree with DJ.
I can’t really judge because this dosn’t happen often in NZ. I think its just a different culture thing. Generally the guy will just screw the girl over here. So saying he dosn’t want to be serious would be considerd pretty nice 😛
Well me for one would rather that then just get trampled on by some girl. It dosn’t worry me too much. I’m at a age where i just go to town and go clubbing/hit the pubs and meet chicks and have a fling or whatever. Not many people my age want to be commited.
April 14, 2005 at 8:09 pm #119325neo_ny_23MemberHoly crap. Lots of “serious” discussions are going on in this Food, Romance and other essential distractions, and I was never here for a while.
Anyways. Lets come back to the point. And yes, my answer is the combination of what DJHyperbyte and Tigerblade said in their first posts respectively.April 15, 2005 at 9:26 am #119323RabidKittenParticipantThe one time I said anything to the effect of “I don’t want a serious relationship”, what that meant was “Look, you’re creepy and I secretly hate you and wouldn’t let you touch me with a ten foot pole, I just don’t know any other way to shoot you down and not be mean about it. Sorry?”
To me, it’s a cop out line. Really, they’re just hanging on you until something bigger and better comes along and then they’re out. Kind of like when you go to Wendy’s and you order a Spicy Chicken Sandwhich and they say “That’ll be 15 minutes, do you want us to bring the rest of your food out first?” and you snack on some stale fries in the meantime. But as soon as the Silvery Wrapped, Yummy yummy in my tummy sandwhich comes along, you toss the rest of those stale potatoe sticks in the back seat with your assortment of used kleenixes and cond…I mean…*cough* …used kleenixes.
Yes…it’s exactly like that.
April 27, 2005 at 9:29 am #119318sciencefeelingMemberThanks! You just compared ME with a side-dish!!!
LOL, anyway, thanks for you opinion, you might be right, who knows…exept for the fact that I don´t toss used keenexes in my back sit…
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April 27, 2005 at 9:43 am #119324RabidKittenParticipant*laughs* Not that you’re a side dish, Natalia!! Oh man I dug myself in deep there, didn’t I?! Oh dear. *giggle, blush*
April 28, 2005 at 11:36 am #119326sarahtownyMemberWell personally if someone said that to me and I thought they were it, Mr Right whatever, I would be off, goodbye and see you later. If however, I just wanted someone to keep me company but not have to answer to them then fine, but is that a relationship anyway? No I don’t think so and it’s not something I would want to get involved in. What rabid said just hits the nail on the head someone saying that is just using you untill something better comes along….
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