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- This topic has 22 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 16 years, 5 months ago by austgirl53.
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August 23, 2005 at 9:59 am #127532sciencefeelingMember
Calculators aside, Detn8r, you did the right thing by no showing up. I am sure, she felt hurted, I am sure she felt angry at you for not showing up. But I am also sure it was a necessary pain.
Maybe her intentions were honest, to be your friend, to talk to you…but I also know when people feel that low and that sad, they don´t know what they want, and they don´t know why they do things. The fact that you are nice to her, might create in her some feelings that otherwise would not be there…I don´t think she is a pedophile or anything, mainly cause Detn8r is grown up enough (it is like saying that a 60 year old man dating a 30 year old woman would be a pedo…), I just think she is feeling too low to know what is right or wrong, to know what she wants, and she might get confused if you go to her place.
I don´t think she is a beast you have to run from or report her to your boss or anything, given that she didn´t do anything bad to you. But you have to be sure you meet her in public places and that way, draw a line to keep it as a pure friendhip.Hope it helps,
Natalia.January 21, 2006 at 12:13 am #127548austgirl53ParticipantHi, just be Honest and tell her ” sorry but I cannot help you , im way to young to understand your problems “.
January 21, 2006 at 12:33 am #127530detn8rParticipantWell, thanks for everyone’s inputs.
I guess as an update, I’ll let you know what happened.
This woman didn’t know the meaning of flip off. Seriously, she never got the hint. She seemed to give me a mom-like presence yet with a look in her eyes like she wanted to jump me.. I don’t know how to explain it any differently. Either way, since then she moved away. A huge relief, but it’s all fine and dandy now 😀
January 21, 2007 at 8:00 am #127531detn8rParticipantAs another update — exactly one year later since my last reply I have some unsettling news.
Apparently, a couple weeks ago the woman’s young son found her in her bed, dead. She had died from some sort of disease where your veins get blocked or something?
Either way, it really hit me. I don’t think I feel guilty for anything, but I can’t help but think that I could have done basically, anything (if that is an appropriate word) while she was still ‘on earth’. I still don’t truly know if she only wanted a friend who would listen to her and have comfort in knowing someone can listen or if she was taking advantage of a situation. I do feel bad and it’s heat aching for her children and as I sit here tonight, I do pray to whom ever looks over this world and her, herself that if I had better understood the situation I was in, and perhaps not under harder pressure from friends and parents I perhaps could have made a better out look on what ended up being a short lived one.
This woman moved to escape bad friends, bad relationships and a new start on life. And even though it was abruptly ended by a serious health condition, I think maybe I should have done something? Im not sure and of course I couldn’t have known what the outcome turned out to be, but I do feel guilty that I wasn’t more mature then as I am today.
I do, now bless her and her children.
January 21, 2007 at 10:37 am #127543sarahtownyMemberSorry to hear the news about this lady.
I read back to your original post, I believe the advice you were given at that time was very appropriate. To try befriend someone your age was wrong. You had nothing to feel guilty about, and your parents were correct in their concern for you.
However, now she has died it gives a different lean on the situation. Personally, I have found whenever someone I know dies, you always reflect on your time you had with that person.
My next door neighbour died recently, when she did I felt guilty that I could have gone around more. Even for just a cup of tea to talk to her. But I have a house to run, a husband and two children to look after. I did go around, but still felt guilty, after she had gone that I could have done a little more. I don’t think that now though. We all do what we can for people.
You should not feel unhappy about the fact that you did not befriend her more. I think deep down you know that. But I would suggest going to the funeral, and concentrate on the fact that she did get away from the bad life she had, the fact that she raised some lovely children.
Hope that helps! 😉
January 23, 2007 at 4:39 am #127546gossipingraeMemberi don’t think i’d go to the funeral if i were you. i just think that is kinda…weird.
January 31, 2007 at 4:58 am #127537.Participant…..
November 14, 2007 at 7:08 am #127528Jeff HesterKeymasterbetter posting.
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