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November 25, 2004 at 1:11 am #14963Someguy03Member
I have been best friends with this girl for around 3 years. We are seriously really good friends, and because of this we have never really considered going out / dating / whatever you might call it. This is because if you break up it usually (or supposedly) isn’t the same again, and if things turn out really badly, you might end up not talking to eachother anymore or your friendship ends up being really weird. But, lately it seems like she might like me (or maybe I just want to believe that she does). I am still not sure if this would be a bad idea or not. As you hear the quote “It is better to regret doing something than to regret not doing it.”
So, I have come here for advice. Anyone had any personal experience with this situation? Does anyone have any wise words for me? Should I try this or avoid it all together? Should I wait? Thanks ahead of time for your replys.
November 25, 2004 at 2:02 am #105911OreoMemberLet me start off with a question….do you see yourself staying friends with this girl years and years down the road? I mean, I don’t want to sound negative or anything, but A LOT of people lose contact with each other after high school (you find out who your REAL friends are…they are the ones you still contact when you come back into town from where ever you might go). Again, not to sound negative, you’re in high school, most relationships are not going to last beyond high school. (I mean boyfriend/girlfriend relationships). If you want something seriously, I’d wait until you are a bit older and you know what you want. You are both YOUNG (and I mean that in a good way). Why have your heart broken by someone you have for support…when someone else can break it and teach you lessons?? Then later on you can see if the two of you are meant to be. Also, sometimes there’s a point at which you cannot go back to “just being friends” once you start dating. So, you have to decide if she’s a good enough friend…what might happen. I can tell you from experience that any guy friends I had in the past and starting dating (with the exception of my husband) have not gone well in the end and we haven’t stayed friends.
In the end, it’s all up to you and her. It’s hard to give advice because every situation has it’s own little quirks and such. She may like you in some way because you’re safe…I mean…she knows you and she knows you care about her. Even if you try to make a “pact” to stay friends…no matter what…it often doesn’t work. But, then you have the situation with my husband and me…it was the right place at the right time and we were meant to be…so it worked. If we hadn’t taken the risk we’d still be just friends and wondering “What if?”
So, keep this question in mind…what would you want out of a relationship with her? Just to date a little and then move onto someone else? Or do you want a more involved relationship. You’re young…and these are REALLY hard questions to answer…and people twice your age have to ask them too… So, I’m sorry if this wasn’t much help…it’s not much of a definitive answer…but that’s because the ultimate answer has to come from within you, I just thought the questions might help you come to some answer. Remember, you can always just hang out with her and go to dances and stuff together as friends…just as long as it’s clear what your relationship is…clarity is key with women…(that means NO mixed messages!)November 25, 2004 at 3:32 am #105925QuiksilverMemberI don’t know if this helps but I asked out a good friend of mine. She thought about it for two weeks and then decided to say no because it would be weird. She was right. After asking her out, saying hi to her in the hall and such was akward. We had an agreement to always stay friends (this was during the two weeks she thought about it). She also said that she didn’t want to break my heart if she broke up with me. If you catch what I’m saying you don’t want to lose a good friend. Four years is a pretty long time to be a friend, so hang onto the relationship and if the clues that she likes you become more obvious…you should try dating or something like that. See how it works out. I’ve lost a good friend once and it broke my heart more than anything I’ve ever experienced…it was all because I made the mistake of asking her out. After that my whole entire seventh grade sucked real bad. So see what happens otherwise don’t go out with her. You do not want to lose a good friend…
-quikNovember 25, 2004 at 4:36 am #105919TigerbladeParticipantif you feel that you want to try a more serious relationship with someone who you consider to be one of your best friends, it can be really rough… it can be awkward if it doesnt go well, it can be awesome if it does. in the end I guess the easiest way to explain it is that it simply comes down to chemistry. do you feel like you could be in a serious relationship with them and be their best friend? is it worth the risk of possibly losing a friend if you could have them as even more?
i’ve had to deal with this, I asked out a really good friend of mine, we broke up literally two days later… we’re still really good friends. of course she was really mad at me for a while, but she eventually got over it and all is well again. you have to make a decision…. i’d say go for it. if you’re really good friends, and you do have a rocky relationship, then hopefully she’s a good enough friend that she can see past it and stay friends.
but thats just my opinion
November 25, 2004 at 6:43 am #105924neo_ny_23MemberI think, if u have close friendship with some one then its also possible that u two are the ones who realy understand each other and in love or any kind of relationship, understanding is the most important thing. So that might be a huge plus. U might come across many girls with whom u might wanna go out but they “might” not understand u as much as your best friend does. So, I DO feel that if she is hinting that she wants to go out with u, then just go ahead. coz very few people come across our lives who realy love us, and who realy understand us.
I said all this assuming that u and your best friend have a good understanding between urselves.
November 25, 2004 at 12:40 pm #105927N3m3s1sMemberHell I think its a great idea to go out with your best friend, Who knows you better???
November 25, 2004 at 2:16 pm #105909Jeff HesterKeymasterI tried it. It didn’t work. We haven’t talked ever since we broke up. I tried for a long time but she doesn’t seem to want to do anything with me so I just gave up and moved on with my life.
November 25, 2004 at 2:20 pm #105922HasanMember1. Love does evolve out of friendship
2. If you risk nothing then you risk every thingNovember 26, 2004 at 10:36 pm #105926vikshankerMemberhavent read the other responses [B)=
NO IT ISNT. ive seen waaaaay too many friendships get ruined that way, it becomes uncomfortable after it ends and you never talk again.
DONT GO THERE.however ‘messing around’ with your best friend never hurts 😉
November 26, 2004 at 11:42 pm #105921RabidKittenParticipantI give Hasan thumbs up here. Friendship and Love are very very close. hah, so are love and hate though *cackles*. Either way, with a best friend, it can be the greatest, strongest love you can ever find if you’re up for it. They know you, you know them, and that can only strengthen in time.
Yet again, if it goes bad, not only have you lost a relationship, but a friend as well. Of course, there are always those instances, few and far between, but very possible instances where exes become friends again.Those are the dry facts. Personally, I think that it’s worth it. In the end, even if it doesn’t completely work out, it just comes down to what kind of person you are. Would you rather try it and attempt at something really great and risk it, or spend the rest of your life wondering how it would’ve gone? I’m the kind of person where knowing is always better than wondering…heck…the one person I’ve loved more purely than any others was my best friend for a good 3 years, and yes, he left me…but 3 months later he came back to me and we started over again because we had that great friendship base beforehand. And who knows, in time maybe it’ll develop past being friends again, when he’s actually ready and not fooling himself. It all depends on timing.
But like I said, it all depends on the kind of person you are. Would you rather know, or just wonder about it.
December 2, 2004 at 11:16 pm #105910AnnaParticipantI had this happen to me just a few months ago actually. Me and my friend met in high school, and he decided five years later that he wanted to kicks things to the next level.
I said no, but for more obvious reasons: he doesn’t have the time with his workload (3rd year chemistry major), and I’m just not interested. I’ll admit I considered it, and also considered the “aftermath” should we ever split up for whatever reasons, but in my mind, it was still a big resounding “Thank, but no thanks”.
I followed my head, however whether you follow your head or your heart, is entirely dependant on who you are.
Just do what feels right. 🙂
December 2, 2004 at 11:26 pm #105920TigerbladeParticipantQuote:quote:Originally posted by vikshankerhowever ‘messing around’ with your best friend never hurts 😉
uh… yeah. right. i’d suggest not following vik’s advice on this one, “messing around” with your best friend could make things even worse than they would be otherwise. if you’re still considering asking her out, do that, dont go for the low route.
December 2, 2004 at 11:54 pm #105915Someguy03MemberEh, well, I don’t think I will reach that point. I decided I might as well try and “act” like I wanted to go out too rather than say it flat out. But I think I was trying too hard , and it looks like I freaked her out more then anything else.
January 21, 2005 at 9:10 pm #105912OreoMemberNot to pry too much, but are you guys cool again? Back to friends as usual? I was just thinking about this thread & I hope things are back to normal.:)
January 23, 2005 at 10:05 am #105916Someguy03MemberYa things are back to normal. I think it finally blew over (sort of). I am in the same Core class as her and we were doing a newspaper project and she called my cell and told me she was going to the library and wanted to know if I would go down there with her and research so she wouldn’t be alone. I did, and we had a blast. 🙂 (I don’t really have any interpretation of this. I don’t really take it as she likes me or anything)
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