February 16, 2006 at 3:25 am #21737
I came here because I have found the girls here to usually be the most intellegent. I tried love forums and got a bunch of morons yelling at me because I'm in high school and that automatically makes me a drunkin teenager smoking pot and crashing his car into things.
But the problem at hand is this: My best friend (girl) is going through this thing where all she does is flings and hook ups. She likes to meet random guys through her friends and go make out with them (and sometimes more). Its hollow. Its only purpose is to get you off.
Someone tell me this is just a phase. Because I like her. And hope to one day date her. And don't want her giving herself away to all these stupid guys.February 16, 2006 at 3:34 am #138395
Woooo that's a tough one kiddo. Have you asked why she does this? I mean either she's in self-destruct mode (nothing is fail proof and even with protection she could end up with a bug or two in the wrong place if you catch my drift or preggy). Perhaps she's dealing with something rather difficult and that's her way of doing it…as sad as it might be.
She may also just not care and it may very well be a phase…though the consequences above still apply. It may not seem like it now, but you are all VERY young and there are so many things in front of you. She may grow out of it…or it may get worse…because as she gets older she may get bored with the random hook ups and go into more dangerous things.
You need to analyze how good of a friend she is…I mean…could you talk to her about WHY she's doing these things? Or is she more of a friend you'd like to date and see what happens? You mention you like her, but it's obvious you don't like what she's doing. This tells me that you know her, or at least a side of her that's not like that. The biggest problem is…is that she's going to be (if she has not been already) labeled…and she may now think that she has to live up to this.
I guess if I were you and really liked this person, and knew the person well enough, I would ask why the person was doingthese things and how it made them feel. I hope that made sense and was of some help.February 16, 2006 at 8:52 am #138408sarahtownyMember
I agree with Oreo, it's time you sat her down and asked her. I don't think you should mention you think she is acting in a bad way, just get her to talk about why she feels she need to be the way she is at the moment.
Is she mixing with different friends and feels the need to fit in? Peer pressure, can make people act in a way they normally wouldn't just to be accepted.
Sometimes, being a good friend is not telling someone what they are doing wrong, it's asking if they need to talk and being there to listen and offer your support. Sounds like she needs a good friend right now and I am sure your the one to offer a helping hand. Hope it works out for you :0)February 16, 2006 at 8:10 pm #138401
Thanks, both of you. I decided to take your advice and ask her. It was online (sadly) because it was 11PM and the goal was to not wake up the entire house. But anyway, so ya, I brought it up all of my observations and theories and made a long ‘letter'. I ended up just sending that to her. Her response? “Some stuff you hit dead on. Other stuff is WAY off.” Then she said that she was exhausted and would like to finish her work and talk about it tomorrow (which would be today). I'm curious as to what she will say.
For future reference, we have been best friends for about 5 years, so this is somewhat a big deal for me. Haha, we actually did try and ‘go out' back in middle school, that was fun stuff. We broke up, and after a few months, we ended up reverting back to best friends.
3 weeks ago, at formal, we ended up kissing (keep in mind that about 2 weeks before that we had both told eachother we liked eachother). When we got home, I asked her about where she wanted to take things, and she told me I never really made a move at the dance and she ‘got over me'. ANother situation where it sounds like she was lost in the moment.
Then 2 days ago I actually took her out on valentines day to the beach (she was back to ‘liking me' again). My rents drove us and had dinner somewhere else. It was an interesting experience. We were cuddling and stuff, and I could tell she was wanting to jump on top of me and start making out or something. But rather than go in that direction, it got too cold and we ended up walking around. After walking around a bit, I could tell she wasn't interested in getting physical anymore and that she wasn't in a rush to flirt with me (alas, out of the moment). Hopefully that moment stuff makes sense to you guys.
Anyways, we ended up laying in the grass next to eachother and I could tell she had changed her mind about where she wanted to take things with me now because she was out of the moment (done being horny, whatever). So I leaned over and asked her if she thought we would ever date. And she said yes, maybe in a year or two.
When we got home, I asked her what her reasoning behind this was. She said that it was because by then I would have a car, and we wouldn't have to rely on other people to get around and do things. And we would be able to see eachother alot more often (we don't go to the same school anymore). I've always kind of shared the same viewpoint on this car thing. Having to use your friends and family to get places with your girlfriend/boyfriend always felt kind of cheesy and stupid to me. Theres no romance, no privacy, no anything. Now normally, I wouldn't take that ‘in the future' crap seriously at all, because I know people say that just to ease the pain on the other person they are rejecting. But she actually sounded like she ment it, which surprised me.
Is it just me, or is she continuously getting ‘in the moment' and then getting out of it? It sounds like she wants to wait until we get a car but is having trouble doing it.
Keep in mind that I am open for ANY theories from anyone. Wether it be ‘she doesn't really like you and shes just desperate' to ‘she is confused' to whatever. I don't care what it is. I'm not afraid of the truth. Its better than being screwed with.February 16, 2006 at 9:04 pm #138409sarahtownyMember
I think you need to talk about this with her, you sound like you totally adore her but want it to be at your own pace, and that means you want to take time over it. You think this is a special love and that's why you don't want to rush it.
She sounds very confused about it all as well, without talking to her I could not say, but it sounds like she wants you about and affection and friendship can be difficult at your age.
Your doing the right thing right now, pace yourself and when you feel ready let it go further. But only when you feel secure she is feeling the same as you and no mind games from her and well it, just feels right 😉February 16, 2006 at 9:58 pm #138402
I encourage people to read the last post I made before this (the massive one that says ‘backtracking'). But in response to Sarah: I am afraid of pacing. I'm afraid that If I wait, by the time we date, she will end up being some girl who has nothing left for that REAL guy because she has gave it all away to these guys she doesn't really care about. I'm also afraid that by then she might do what Oreo said and try more ‘dangerous' things.February 16, 2006 at 10:19 pm #138396
You know though….to me it sounds like she's used to guys that use her. That she's not used to some one who really cares about her. Maybe that the only way she's been able to get attention back from guys is to get all over them and she's not sure how to act around you because you like her but you are not immediately trying to get into her pants (please excuse the bluntness of that). The car thing…I don't know…can you take a bus anywhere or bikes (I know it sounds kind of childish but a good bike ride with a boyfriend/girlfriend is a lot of fun and can be quite romantic.) And you know what…you ARE a real guy and if she's not ready to see that…she's not really the one for you and that right one will come around. You just have to sit back and look at the situation. You are a great guy and have honest feelings…some girl is going to snatch you up and not let go! Maybe it will be her…and maybe it will be some one you will meet in the future…that's the mystery of it all! 🙂February 16, 2006 at 11:11 pm #138411
Although I'm not a girl, (no not gay either! 10 month relationship going on now!) I think she is kinda testing you. Like Oreo said she's probably used to boys using her, I think she's seeing if you are going to be like the others, or if you really do care (which you seem to a lot). I agree with the car thing too, I can't wait until I can drive and get away from family, although I go walk with her a lot of the times…however that's not going to get you THAT far away like to the movies, dinner..well I can walk to a few food places (like subway, applebee's, etc..). I just think she is making sure you are a good guy, someone who will care. And with you treating this as your “special love”, well I say keep on trying! Don't give up if she keeps doing this, I'm sure it's to save her from another potential bad relationship.February 17, 2006 at 12:25 am #138403
Interesting observations from both of you. Brings SOME hope to my life. They are strong points. I never really thought that she might not know how to act around me because I'm not like the other guys shes always been with (which is true). Because I know she has grown accustomed to the usual just meet up and make out. I have to wonder if how I treat her almost scares her…February 17, 2006 at 1:06 am #138412
Scares her? I doubt it, more like surprises her. She's probably never had a REAL relationship like this one seems to be. And, with all this, I think in time she will come to like you, and trust you. Just wait for her to get over this little thing, I'm sure she will come to like you a lot then.February 17, 2006 at 1:13 am #138404
Just out of curiosity, what is everyones opinion on dating your best friends?February 17, 2006 at 3:07 am #138413
Well I know on TV they are like “no don't do it, it ruins the friendship” but I really don't think it matters. I actually think it's better to get to know them, then go out with them. Like me and my girlfriend did, at first we just got to be friends, best friends, then boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it's really a good thing. Heh, milestones made each day my friend.February 17, 2006 at 2:42 pm #138397
It depends on where you are in your friendship and how you are as friends. If you are flirty friends…that's one thing…but there's a point in most friendships where you go beyond that and it's hard to get back. Though the fact that you tried dating before (was she the one you mentioned a while back?) it could mean anything. You just have to go by your gut instinct and try not to second guess it.February 18, 2006 at 4:03 am #138405
See, me and her do flirt. But, there are these moments we have that I have with only one other girl I know. Like when we are going through serious troubles, we get into these discussions and just pour our hearts out to eachother. Share all of our problems. Theres just alot of things.
But there was 2 girls I complained about on here so I'm not sure wihch one your thinking of. But last time me and this girl dated, it was 7th grade, so I don't even take it seriously.February 18, 2006 at 3:00 pm #138398
I know it sounds difficult…but give this a little time and you'll be able to see where things truly stand. It sucks….but it's best to time things correctly…so you know when to make your move…or if you should even spend your time making a move on this girl. 🙂
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