- This topic has 22 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 21 years, 7 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hi everyone. I am posting for a friend of mine, as I am already married it is not me. He and a woman that he love had planned on marrying in secret and then “officially” marrying when he earned enough money and status. However there is a problem, her parents went and engaged her to another man in another country in which people are more affluent. The couple is from a tradition where arranged marriages happen in everyday life and romantic love is often thrown aside for thoughts of more money and status. The woman has already told the man to whom she is supposed to marry that she does not love him and already has some one she loves. She has asked him to break the engagement…the man said NO! :O Even though she does not want to marry this man; he will not let her free. My friend is terribly upset because he truly loves this woman. She has decided to sacrifice their happiness and marry this man she does not know nor love. She has done this for her parents and especially because her father has a heart condition. My friend and his girlfriend even told her father what she and my friend had planned; but this caused him to have a terrible reaction and hurt his heart. This is why she has decided to do what her parents wish. No matter HOW she has begged to her unknown fiance’ he won’t let her go.
Does ANYONE have any real suggestions? Please do not make a joke of this, this is a very serious situation.I wouldn’t think of making a joke of something so serious and tragic. Unfortunately, I don’t know of any way you could prevent something of that nature, especially if it’s part of their culture. Speaking of which, do you mind if I ask what culture this is in particular? I know there are several cultures in which arranged marriages are commonplace… As much as we may not agree with their traditions and cultures, often these things are not only culturally based but legally enforced. If there are laws in place to protect such arrangements, then there is really very little you or she can do to interrupt it. If the arranged husband-to-be is this resistant to the idea, even though the woman has made it so very clear that she does not love him or wish to be with him, then I see precious few alternatives.
Again, I don’t know what country or culture she and her family are part of specifically, but perhaps the government could be involved somehow? I know the government isn’t always the most helpful, but perhaps citizenship could be called into play somehow? I’m not the most knowledgeable about international law, but if the situation is that desperate I imagine your friends would be more than willing to look into it. Then of course there’s the problem with the family, the father with the heart condition who so wants this arrangement to go through as he planned; I can’t think of any way to bypass that, even with a heartfelt plea for a release. That one’s up to the family to realize that love cannot be arranged by a third party, and to realize that their daughter will be very unhappy in such a relationship.
I’m sorry I can’t offer more help, but it’s a start at least.
She should just marry the one she wants to be with, the threat of bigomy shall be too large to risk a status loss to it.
dude, EEDOK, did you really read Oreo’s post? this isnt something where you can just throw everything to the wind and say ‘screw it’.
Oreo wrote:She has done this for her parents and especially because her father has a heart condition. My friend and his girlfriend even told her father what she and my friend had planned; but this caused him to have a terrible reaction and hurt his heart. This is why she has decided to do what her parents wish.the girl’s parents are obviously extremely dedicated to this arrangement, and culture is obviously very important to their family. you cant just blatantly ignore things like this; it may even be against the law (in some cultures) to go against such an arranged marriage. as vile as it may seem to those of us in countries that dont use such traditions, its not our place to just blatantly ignore them. think, next time.
law in her country? What’s keeping her in her country exactly? There are workarounds to these things..
EEDOK wrote:law in her country? What’s keeping her in her country exactly? There are workarounds to these things..ok, name some. like i said, it’s not just the law. i said that could be an issue. the bulk of my last two posts weren’t about the law, they were about the cultural aspect of the problem. find some “workarounds” to that. perhaps you’d like to go talk to her father.As most of you know I have friends from around the world. As far as the country where this friend is from is India/pakistan (depending on your view of the border). As you know, there is a long tradition of arranged marriages and such. It is such a sad situation, I would really like to find some solution to it to help both of them.
get them to move to Canada, it’s much nicer here, and breaking an arranged marriage isn’t frowned upon really.
eedok, either offer helpful advice or just dont post. seriously.
Quote:Please do not make a joke of this, this is a very serious situation.How is it not helpful? America is another option, I suppose Europe would be as well. If the two are unwilling to make such a step in their lives, do they really love each other enough to break off an arranged marriage?
It is not the first case I know in India. For them to do what they want, they would have to run away and she would have to loose her family. Doesn´t seem like she is willing to give up her family completely, and there is no other option. As an arranged marriage, I understand that the new husband is not gving up, he marries for convenience and not for love…why should he care that she doesn´t love him?, he doesn´t even know her.
Of course, my advice is..run away with the other guy, and forget about your family, but I am not sure if I would do that myself, it takes a lot of love and be very brave.
It is a sad situation…
NataliaIt is not that easy to just pick up and move for many reasons other than family reasons. First, there’s the money involved, they just do not have the money and options to just move to europe. Also, her family situation is such that she could possibly cause her father great pain or death because of his delicate heart condition. NO ONE wants that to happen. Again, I asked for SERIOUS suggestions, suggesting just move to europe and dismissing the situation as “he must not love her that much if he won’t move for her” is crap. It takes MONEY to move and LOTS of MONEY for immigration.
Also, the woman has the problem of what will happen to her family if she just up and runs away. It is not like western culture where everyone just says…”Oh, that’s too bad,” and in a few months people forget. Thank you Tiger and Science for giving your very honest opinions on this situation. I think all of us wish they could run away; but it seems that the situation is too difficult for that to be an option.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.