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A guy goes to see his doctor and says, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
“That’s a pretty big decision.” says the doctor.
“Have you talked it over with your family?”
“Yeah.” says the guy. “They’re in favor 15-2.”
~~~~~~I swear I’m not making this up. Here in beautiful Austin, Texas there is a doctor who specializes in vasectomies and, get this …. his name is Dr. Chop.As if that’s not bad enough …. you guessed it folks … his first name is Richard.
He’s Dr. Dick Chop and he is apparently very well respected by his peers.
(but I bet even they snicker behind his back over his name)What were his parents thinking?:confused:
Two guys are drinking in a high rise restuarant bar when one of them throws down a tequila and instantly turns and hurls himself out of the window.
The second guy is a little surprised, to say the least, but he is even more astonished when the first guy walks back into the bar without a scratch on him a few minutes later.
“How did you do that?” the first guy wants to know, “we must be a quarter mile above ground level and I just saw you jump out of the window. You should be dead!”.
The other guy shrugs in puzzlement: “I don’t know what it is, but everytime I drink a tequila I can jump out of the window and I will slow down just before I hit the ground. Watch!”
So saying he throws down another tequila and disappears through the window again. The first guy goes to the window to look and sees his erstwhile companion plummeting towards the ground only to see him slow up at the last moment, land gently on his feet and calmly walk away.
“I’ve got to try that!” the first guy cries excitedly so he slurps down a tequila quickly before hurling himself headlong from the window.
However, he falls straight to the ground and is splattered all over the pavement below.
The barman turns to the second guy and says “You really are cruel when you’re drunk, Superman!”
~^~^~^~:D~^~^~^~A little goes with her Dad to the barber shop. While her Dad is getting his hair cut, she stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake.The barber says to her, “Sweetie, you’re going to get hair on your twinkie.”“I know.” she says, “And I’m gonna get boobs, too.”BA-DA BING!:pHere’s one my son told me [so don’t blame me]:D
How do you know when the chef is a clown?
When the food tastes funny.
😮
>>>:o<<<In an elementary school classroom, the teacher is teaching her students about American history.
“Class,” she asks, “which one of our presidents was assassinated just after the civil war?”
Noone answers. Finally, a little Japanese kid in the front row raises his hand and says “Abraham Lincoln”
“That’s very good, Hung Foo.” the teacher says “But, the rest of you should be ashamed. Little Hung Foo, our Japanese foreign exchange student, knows more about American history than the rest of you. You should all be ashamed!”
The teacher then turns around to write something on the board when suddenly a voice from the back of the room shouts out “Screw the Japanese!”
Shocked, the teacher whips around and exclaims ‘Who said that?!?!”
A kid in the back answers proudly “Harry Truman, 1945!”
:confused:
A little boy is in Church with his family when he says to his mother “Mummy, I need a piss!”
Shocked, his mother replies: “Don’t say ‘piss’ in church, son. Next time you want to go to the bathroom say you need to whisper”.
So the following sunday they are in church again when the boy says to his father “Daddy, I need to whisper”.
“Okay” replies the father, stooping down. “You can do it in my ear”.
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^Q.) How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to change a light bulb?A.) (sunddenly excited) … :woot: Wanna go ride bikes?!?!?Back to you Leap …. I’m likin’ this pace.I can’t think of many light bulb jokes but here’s one, at least.
How many marriage-guidance counsellors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they have got to be sure they really want to make that change.
😀
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
###:cool:###Q.) What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?A.) Homeless
Q.) What’s the difference between a musician and a large pepperoni pizza?
A.) A large pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four
Q.) How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A.) Put sheet music in front of him
Q.) How can you tell when a chick singer is knocking at your door?
A.) Bitch can never find the key and she never knows when to come in.
Q.) Do you know how many drummer jokes there are?
A.) Only one …. the rest are true.
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
Took him an hour to get the drummer out.
Q.) How do you get a drummer off your front porch?
A.) Pay him for the pizza
Q.) What’s the last thing the drummer said to the band before they fired him?
A.) “Hey guys, … listen to this song I wrote!”
Q.) What do you call the thing the drummer leaves his cymbals in between gigs?
A.) A pawn shop
Ba-Da BING, Ba-Da BANG, Ba-Da BOOM!:woot:
(that was the drummer over playing)I have some funny videos in my ipod video .
Do you want to put your favorite dvd and video on your ipod ?
It is easy ,just download a software to help you at oursdownload.com
it is an interesting thing .
It support ipod touch , too .goodfriend;223675 wrote:I have some funny videos in my ipod video .
Do you want to put your favorite dvd and video on your ipod ?
It is easy ,just download a software to help you at oursdownload.com
it is an interesting thing .
It support ipod touch , too .Thats the worst joke yet ….. where’s the punchline?:rolleyes:
😀 😀 😀 Very witty, Annie!
A great joke from Shrek too. Keep em comin’.
Welcome to the site, goodfriend.
Here’s another one of my son’s specials [you have been warned, turn away now if you are of a sensible disposition]:
Q – How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
A – With Jammin, of course.
😮
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